


The girl from nowhere

by Kidfromthedeli



Category: Damages
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-27 19:37:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8413996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kidfromthedeli/pseuds/Kidfromthedeli
Summary: Did you ever wonder why Patty was so drawn to her young associate? Perhaps the answer lies in the past when a ferociously bright and ambitious little girl met a shy pretty stranger who captured her heart. Fate intervened, forty years went by and when Ellen Parsons suddenly appeared in Patty's life the past and present collided with astonishing force.





	1. I can look out for myself

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long and rambling tale I began some time ago and finished recently. The later chapters still need some work so I'll post as and when I can.

Frank O’Neal had been driving the school bus for fifteen years, in that time he had seen all kinds of kids. Shy, polite, cheeky, smart and dumb as rocks. He had seen fat kids, skinny kids, kids who were destined for greatness on the sports field, kids who were destined to get blown to bits in whatever godforsaken war was coming next. Kids who would end up big shots in the city and kids who would never stray further than the county boundary. Frank had never seen a kid like Patty Hewes before. 

From the age of six Patty had been hopping on his bus, his first pick up down the dusty pot holed road that bordered her fathers scrubby fields and ramshackle home. She stood alone at the edge of the road, no anxious Mama holding her hand, a small for her age, wiry little thing with white blond hair and bright blue eyes. Frank greeted her with his usual cheery good morning and told her not to be worried about starting school, the other kids would fill the bus up on the way and he would look out her.

“I can look out for myself.” she said in a strong voice with a determined tilt of her chin. 

She walked down the bus and took a seat right in the middle, she put her small satchel on the seat next to it and sat with her hands in her lap.

“Are we going now?” 

“Yes ma'am.” Frank chuckled to himself, she was a live one. 

Everyone in the community knew Patty’s father was a mean drunk who beat his wife and let his home descend into little more than a ruin. Patty was his only child, he told anyone who would listen he wanted sons but his wife couldn't provide him with anymore children. He largely ignored his daughter, she was just another mouth to feed. The bus filled up and the little blond haired girl studiously avoided making eye contact with the other kids. She stared straight ahead, sat like a statue and never spoke a word except for a polite thank you when Frank wished her good luck as she hopped down the step. He watched her all the way into the building, striding purposefully along on skinny little legs without hesitation or any hint of fear. She wore faded dungarees over a plain white shirt. The clothes were worn but pressed and clean. Frank shook his head, he had no idea what to make of her. That was the pattern for two years, Frank would greet her every morning, she would say good morning back, make her way to her seat and sit down. Most mornings she would be holding a book that she would raise to her eyes as soon as they set off, never putting it down until they reached school. Frank learned from the other kids and gossip around town that Patty was the smartest kid they had ever had through the doors of the county elementary school. So smart, she was moved up a class almost immediately, they didn't really know what to do with her. The principal wanted her family to apply for a scholarship to a private school in the neighbouring county. Her father dismissed the idea, she was a girl, there was no point, she would grow up, marry and tend to her husband and children. What use was a fancy education.

Patty largely ignored the other kids, a few spoke to her a little as time passed by but most of them gave her a wide berth. She had a strange aura about her the other kids picked up on. She was never teased, her hair never pulled, her bag never ransacked. She reminded Frank of the dusty skinny cats that wandered the tracks around town. They looked harmless enough as they roamed with their slinky gait, their eyes always alert for danger or prey. If you ever cornered one though they could be vicious. 

One day, on the return journey, she was a little late coming out of class and an older boy took what both Frank and Patty considered to be her seat. She walked up the aisle and stood in front of him, he looked out of the window.

“I sit there.”

The bus went quiet except for the rumble of the engine idling, the kids waiting to see who would win the standoff. Frank knew who his money was on.

“Well sit somewhere else shorty.” 

Patty narrowed her eyes like a duelist in a western.

“Move or I'll tell Miss Hennessey you cheated in the math test.”

There was a sharp intake of breath amongst some of the others. Billy Low’s face went as red as a tomato.

“I didn't cheat.”

“Yes you did, I saw you copying mine so I got two wrong on purpose. When I tell her tomorrow you got the same two wrong she’ll know what you did. If you move now I won't tell and she won't notice.” 

Patty stared at him hard and he got up from the seat, he moved halfway down the bus before he yelled out.

“You're a snitch and everyone knows your daddy's a drunk.”

 

Patty sat down daintily before she replied in a clear strong voice.

“If I was a snitch I would have told straight away, and everyone knows your daddy ain't really your daddy.”

There was a burst of giggles from the other kids as a now purple faced Billy Low thundered his way back down the aisle towards Patty who had already picked up her book.

“Billy sit down now. Frank shouted, I'd say you're even so don't make things worse by beating on a little girl.” 

Billy sat back down with fat tears rolling down his ten year old cheeks, Patty turned the page of her book and grinned. Frank caught her eye and gave her a imperceptible nod, she nodded back. He told the tale to his wife later that night and swore to her the gleam in the child’s eyes was unholy. The next morning Patty greeted him by name for the first time. That weekend Billy’s enraged father turned up at the Hewes farm, after a furious argument Patrick Hewes chased him off with a shotgun and returned to beat Patty so badly she could barely sit down for a week. Her mother didn't intervene, thankful for once it wasn't her.

By the time she was eight, Patty was notorious amongst her peers at school. Her intelligence was leaps and bounds ahead of the other kids but she was quiet and reticent. From what Frank overheard she was earning a pretty penny by doing the older kids homework. Her teachers were almost in awe of her ability and found her to be polite and studious but distant. Patty didn't engage with anyone, one or two kids tried to be friends but were rebuffed by her lack of interest. Her English teacher tried to win her confidence by bringing her books, newspapers and magazines, but Patty refused to be drawn when gently questioned about her home life or future plans. The child was an enigma alright and Frank could not help but think she was heading for a world of trouble when she grew up. He was a simple man but Frank was nobody's fool. He knew America was changing as the fifties drew to a close more and more women were joining the workforce. Teaching, nursing and office work were the main professions but he didn't think that would be enough for his little Patty, not nearly enough. 

“Hey Patty, we've got a fresh pick up today, a new family has moved into the old Crawford place, he's a doctor, moved out here from New York City. They've got a young girl your age.”

Patty’s ears pricked up with interest, the Crawford place bordered her fathers land and had been empty for almost three years after the old man died with no family to replace him. It was a fine old house in pretty gardens that really belonged to another time. Patty had seen workmen coming and going for months now restoring the place and last week a movers truck had pulled up and Patty’s watchful eyes saw fine looking furniture and carpets being ferried inside, the workmen being directed by an elegant looking woman with dark brown hair drawn up into a loose bun. The bus rounded the corner and Patty pretended to read her book while she watched the same woman fuss with the clothing of a young anxious looking girl.

“Good morning ma'am” Frank greeted his new customers with his usual cheer. “Hop on honey”, he addressed the frightened looking child with his kind eyes and watched as her mother disentangled the child's hand from her own and gently propelled her forwards onto the bus.

“Off you go now, have a good first day, and remember what I told you. I'll be right here when you come home.”

Patty rolled her eyes, ’what a baby,’ she thought. The kid wouldn't last five minutes in school. Frank was thinking the same thing. If Patty was comparable to a wild cat, this girl looked for all the world like a new born foal. All gangly legs, wide brown eyes, and ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble. Still she was a game little thing, she straightened her shoulders, stilled her quivering lip and walked purposefully down the bus until she got level with the only other occupant.

“Can I sit here?” She asked in a small voice gesturing at the seat taken by Patty’s school bag.

Frank sighed in resignation waiting for the refusal from the blond and prepared for the tears he felt were sure to follow from the brunette. Patty’s eyes rose from the adventure story that currently captured her imagination.

“You've got the whole bus to choose from.” she said dismissively and returned to her text. 

Frank let the engine idle for a minute.

“I want to sit with you. Momma said I was to make a friend today and you're the only one here.” 

The girl held her ground despite her tremulous voice and the frankly intimidating, cold eyed stare of a girl smaller than she was. Patty looked up again and her eyes were captured by wary but warm brown ones. She found she couldn't look away. The girl was so pretty with her pale skin and long wavy brown hair. Her summer dress was a cut above anything she had seen before, she even smelt pretty, like flowers. Patty lifted her bag off the seat and onto the floor, the new girl smiled, revealing a row of small, perfectly even white teeth and sat down.

“I'm Eleanor Frances Perkins, she said shyly. You can call me Ellen.”

Patty found herself smiling back.  
“I'm Patty, Patty Hewes.”

Frank put the bus in gear and drove away with a surprised smile gracing his lips. The bus made its usual stops and the other kids looked wide eyed at the pretty newcomer sat by Patty’s side keeping up a largely one sided conversation. One of the boys kicked Ellen's shiny new satchel down the bus.

“Pick that up Jeff.” Patty barked without raising her eyes or moving an inch.

“Sorry, he stuttered bringing the bag back and dusting it off quickly. “It was an accident.”

Ellen turned to her rescuer with a wide, grateful smile. She reached out a soft warm hand and grasped Patty’s slightly grimy one. Patty was too surprised to let go. Once they arrived at the school the unlikely pair were the last off the bus. Frank watched as Patty stepped off first and turned to help the new girl step off safely, their little hands still clasped together. He smiled to himself, perhaps his little wild cat just needed a smitten kitten to tame her.

The arrival of Ellen seemed to be a catalyst for the events that were to shape the rest of Patty’s life. Firstly her mother became ill, the small lumps under her arm she had felt months ago and ignored were the tell tale signs of the cancer that would claim her within a year. By the time she realised how ill she was it was too late to do anything about it except resign herself to her fate. She almost welcomed it, worn down by the drudgery and hopelessness of her situation, any dreams and aspirations she once had, had been pulverised under the weight of a brute of a husband and the spirit crushing poverty and hardship she endured. Her daughter, who should have provided some companionship and comfort was a virtual stranger, an eerie sprite who looked at her with disappointment and eyes full of accusations she couldn't deny. She had failed her child, failed to provide her with a safe home, a full belly or a joyful heart. Instead she knowingly used her daughter as a shield from her husbands outbursts, as a extra pair of hands with the chores and even, god help her, as a whipping post for her own frustration. She would not fail her now, she knew the child was unnaturally gifted. Patty had a chance of breaking away, of making a life her mother could only dream of. So six months before the cancer claimed her Margaret Hewes contacted her younger brother Pete and begged him to come and protect her daughter, to guide her, to make sure she completed her education and made her escape. Patty watched her mother fade away in front of her, as the weeks turned into months, Maragret took to her bed, her eyes glassy with pain and drugs. She smelt of death, Patty was no stranger to death, she had been raised in farming country where animals were used up until there was nothing left. That was happening to her mother now. Patty continued to go to school, word of her mothers illness spread among the small community and Ellen's house became her safe haven and a second home. Charles and Julia Perkins had taken to Patty as soon as she tentatively stepped over the doorstep holding onto Ellen's hand. They found her to be charming and polite with old world manners and she shared an obvious, touching bond with their own precious girl. A month after Ellen started school Patty began to get off the bus with her and spend an hour at the Perkins’ house before returning home. She told Ellen's mother that she would see her safely home from the bus stop after school and escort her there in the mornings. Julia smiled at the earnestness of Patty’s tone, she saw no harm in the two girls spending time together, they were good for eachother. Ellen's grades had picked up under Patty’s guidance and god knew Patty was going to need a friend in the coming months. The Perkins family took Patty under their wing. She accompanied Ellen and her mother on Saturday trips into town where they were allowed to go to the cinema in the morning while Julia visited the beauty parlour, and then she would take them for a soda or ice cream as a treat. Charles would talk to Patty like an adult. As a doctor he gently explained the course of her mothers illness and the pain that was to come. He would discuss articles in the news, impressed with her expansive knowledge and ability to argue her opinion. He would laugh with them at Lucille on the tv, even dance along with a giddy Ellen when rock and roll bands were on the Ed Sullivan show. When uncle Pete arrived Patty was typically wary. He was a tall, wiry man with a dour expression and taciturn personality. He took his dying sisters wish seriously, he was here to look out for young Patty and make a new life for himself in the process. Pete had seen active service in Korea, once released from the army he found it difficult to adjust and was drifting aimlessly. Now he had a purpose once more, a mission, a promise to keep for his only sibling and he vowed he would do his utmost to uphold that promise. So uncle Pete moved in to the tiny space in the eaves of the Hewes home. Gradually, as Margaret became too ill and in pain to function he took over the household tasks. He was a strong man, he worked tirelessly on the land and with his pride stung Patrick was stirred from his drunken apathy and the two men worked in tandem to redress the neglect the house had fallen in to. Pete sank in what little money he had, new equipment was bought, fences were mended, fields of scrub were cleared and the house was painstakingly repaired. Patty watched developments and divided her time between Ellen's house and her own home. In the evenings she would sit by her mothers bed and read her favourite passages from the bible, the smell of decay strong in her nostrils as she watched the cancer eat her away. The night she died Margaret took her daughters hand and pulled her close.

“I'm sorry Patty, I'm sorry I wasn't the mother you needed, but I loved you from the moment you began to grow inside me. Remember that.”

Her mother lay back exhausted by the effort to force the words out through the pain. Patty sat at her bedside and said nothing, she felt empty and cold. She wished she was older, she wished there was something she could do. When Patty woke and walked into the kitchen the next morning uncle Pete handed her a glass of milk and told her that her mother had died. Patty nodded and asked if was alright for her to go over to the Perkins’ house. She looked scornfully at her father who leant against the doorframe his body heaving with sobs.

“Have some respect you little brat...”

“She's gone, where was your respect when she was still here?”

Her father lurched off the wall towards her but Pete quickly stepped between them and told Patty to go to her room.

“The child has just lost her mother, leave her be. Let her go, she doesn't need to be here when they come to take her away, she doesn't need to see that.”

The two men locked eyes until Patrick looked away, shrugged his shoulders and went outside.  
Patty dressed herself and walked the fifteen minute journey to the Perkins’ house in a dream like state. She tapped on the door and Julia opened it as she did every other morning. She took one look at Patty’s tear stained face and gathered her up in her arms. She spent most of the day under a blanket on Julia's couch and allowed herself to be hugged, petted and fussed over. Ellen sat in the floor at her feet and held her hand.

“Can Patty come and live with us momma? She can share my room...”

“Ellen....”

“It's alright Julia, Patty spoke in a flat resigned voice, I have family, uncle Pete will take care of me.”

“You're always welcome here Patty, there will always be a place for you in this house.”

“I know, thank you.”

Julia drew a compliant Patty onto her lap and held her as she cried and remembered her mothers final words, she cried for something she never knew she had missed. 

The following day she returned to school. At her mothers funeral a ten year old Patty stood dry eyed and tight lipped as the small community turned out in force to mourn her. Where had these people been while the life was being sucked out of her mother, first by her weak, drunken bully of a husband, then by the cancer she had faced alone. She turned away from everyone except her uncle and the Perkins family. Ellen held her hand tightly all day. They stood at the graveside while uncle Pete talked quietly with Julia. He asked for her help raising his niece. There were matters pertaining to a young girl he knew he needed a woman's help with. Julia promised the family would do all they could. Life carried on for Patty in a similar routine to before, school, chores, homework and Ellen. The two girls were now inseparable, Ellen had other friends, she was an outgoing and popular girl, Patty felt no threat or jealousy towards them, she was pleased that Ellen fit in and enjoyed school. Patty was secure in the knowledge that with a meeting of eyes or a tilt of the head, Ellen would happily gravitate back to her side. The blond girls day only began when she got her first look at Ellen in the morning. Ellen with her pretty clothes, long dark hair, warm brown eyes and sweet smile was the most precious thing in Patty’s life. As they navigated their way through middle school Patty’s intellectual prowess drew the attention, the principal of the small town provincial school felt he was failing Patty. Uncle Pete was summoned and a full scholarship to a fine private school was offered. This time it was who Patty refused to contemplate it, she would carry on through high school in town. Patty had already decided on a college education that was almost unheard of for women in the small county she called home. Patty was not sure yet where her ability would take her, she had talked it over with Julia and Charles who listened open mouthed as a twelve year old Patty laid out her life plan which naturally to her contained Ellen as a matter of course. She wanted them to choose a college and go together. Charles already knew not to patronise Patty, as he lay in bed with his wife that night he broached the subject that was beginning to worry him.

“Don't you think the girls are almost too close? Patty just mapped out the next ten years of their life. High school, college, she's got it all figured out.”

“You know how single minded Patty is, but they're twelve years old, they haven't hit puberty yet, then boys will come along and change things. They aren't old enough to realise the effect growing up will have on their friendship. For now, they're as close as sisters. Leave her to her dreams Charles, life will butt in soon enough.”

Patty was set on realising her dreams, uncle Pete’s arrival had eased her life at home, he formed an impenetrable barrier between her and her father, and he made sure she had time to study after school. The girl was going places and he was determined to be part of it. Patty would spend happy hours curled up on Ellen's bed regaling her wide eyed friend with tales of their life together through college and then once she secured a high powered job in New York city, what sort of home they would have, what cars they would drive, even the name of their dog.

“I'm not as smart as you Patty, what if you leave me behind?”

“I won't, don't worry about anything, I'm smart enough for both of us.”

“Maybe I could be a teacher, do you think I'm smart enough for that?”

“Of course you are, you'll be a great teacher.”

“I’ll make sure the apartment is kept nice and cook your favourite things. Will we have enough money Patty?”

“Sure, I'll make lots of money, I'll buy you jewellery and all the pretty dresses you need. We will be the best dressed couple in the city.”

“I don't need fancy things, I'm just happy with you.”

Words like that we're music to young Patty’s ears. Ellen would wrap her arms round Patty’s smaller frame and cuddle them together before it was time for Patty to make her way home, the glow inside keeping her warm on the short walk to her home where uncle Pete would be sat out on the newly mended porch waiting for her.

All was happily going to plan for Patty, she watched unconcerned through their young teenaged years how the pimply faced, gangly youths in town would be drawn to Ellen only to be giggled over when they were alone later. Occasionally they would go to school dances or into the diner in town driven by a surly uncle Pete who would chide them to be careful and stick together. They made a pretty pair, Ellen with her traditional, pretty, girl next door looks and Patty with her cool blue eyes and white blond hair. Boys would come over, they would buy them a soda, Ellen would blush shyly when asked to dance but Patty would nod and watch from the sidelines knowing Ellen would come back to her flushed and happy. Patty had little time for the local youths, she rarely danced with them, she didn't like the way boys felt next to her body. They didn't smell right, they didn't fit right, they were too rough in their handling, to eager to pull her close. When one tried to steal a kiss she looked at him with such outrage he dropped his hold on her as if she was on fire. One night Charles brought them home, Patty was staying over as it was a Friday and the girls were going to spend Saturday together. They curled up in Ellen's single bed and whispered in the dark.

“Have you ever kissed a boy?” Patty asked her friend as they faced each other.

“Joe Given kissed my cheek tonight when we were dancing.”

“That doesn't count, have you kissed one on the lips?”

“No, have you?”

“No” patty admitted. “I wouldn't like it.”

“How do you know if you've never done it?”

“I don't have to stick my head in the oven to know I wouldn't like that either.”

Ellen giggled at her side, Patty pulled her in closer, so their noses were almost touching.

“I think I'd like kissing you.” 

When Patty spoke the words their lips were almost brushing, Ellen could feel her warm breath against her face.

“How do you know if you've never done it?” 

Ellen echoed Patty’s words from before, she put a challenge in them she knew the other girl would not be able to resist. Her heart pounded in the dark room, she went hot all over, she found Patty’s hand at her side and laced their fingers together. It was Ellen who moved her face closer and pressed her lips to Patty’s thin unyielding ones. She drew back.

“Well, did you like it?” 

“I don't know, it was too fast, let's try it again.”

Ellen smiled and moved back in, Patty was ready this time, she captured Ellen's fuller lips and angled her face to put some pressure on, she inhaled through her nose, smelling everything that was Ellen, flowers, sweetness, and safety. When she drew away Ellen let all the breath she had been holding out in rush. Her body tingled strangely, she could feel the life flowing between them through their joined hands. She was fourteen years old and had no idea what she was feeling. It was wonderful and scary at the same time, like a couple of winters ago when Patty had persuaded her to slide down the hill on a makeshift wooden sled and they zoomed so fast and out of control they couldn't breathe. They kissed again, slower and more experimentally, taking the time to savour it. Afterwards Patty lay on her back her breathing a little ragged.

“Yes, I like it.” she said. 

They giggled like the children they were.

“Is it wrong Patty, kissing another girl like that.”

“It didn't feel wrong to me. I've read about women who live with other women like married couples. No one will care in New York city, we can be together there. I've got everything worked out, we will go away to college, away from here. You're my girl Ellen, you will always be my girl.”

“What about my parents, what about school, your daddy, and uncle Pete, will they hate us?”

Ellen's voice was climbing as realisation set in. She knew little of the world outside their little community, but she knew that kissing Patty like that would cause more outrage and scandal than any of the local gossip of affairs, and unplanned pregnancies had stirred.

“We can't tell anyone, they wouldn't understand, they would separate us. We have to be careful. Do you want the same as me Ellen, do you want to be my girl?”

“I’m scared Patty.” 

Ellen snuggled closer in Patty’s arms, she could feel her heart beating hard in her chest, she began to cry, soft silent tears rained down on Patty’s neck.

“Don't cry, everything will be alright.” Patty kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair.

“I am your girl. I've been your girl since that first day on the school bus.” Ellen sniffled.

“Then its settled. Go to sleep now, everything will be alright.”

Three months eased by, the mild spring weather turned into the baking heat of summer. The two girls spent as much time as they could together. There were no excuses for sleep overs so kisses were snatched here and there. In the quiet of Ellen's house while Julia was out on errands and Charles was still at work, in a dusty corner of a storage barn when Patty’s daddy and uncle Pete were well out of range and on long walks through the sparse woodland that surrounded their neighbouring homes where Patty roughly carved their initials into the bark of a tree and they settled under the leafy branches drowsy and dusty from their walk. Their kisses became practiced, a gently dance of lips and tongues. That day they kissed until they were breathless and Patty laughed saying her vision was starting to blur. They lay together and dozed a while before they made their way back to Ellen's house. To her surprise Ellen's parents were sat out on the porch waiting for her, she felt Patty stiffen beside her, wondering if somehow they had got careless and been seen. Ellen scanned their faces, there was no trace of anger, her father looked worried, his face drawn and anxious, her mother looked sad, as if she had been crying. 

“What's wrong, you knew I was with Patty, we're not late home, it's only just six.” Ellen babbled the words out, knowing she sounded guilty but unable to help herself.

“We have some news, we've been waiting for you to come home to tell you sweetheart.”

Julia looked pointedly at Patty whose heart had begun to thunder in her chest, something awful was coming, she just knew it.

“I need to go home, I said I'd be back for dinner. I'll see you for school in the morning.”

“Bye Patty, I'll be ready at eight.”

It was still uncomfortably warm, Ellen waited for someone to say something, the air seemed to hum, the tension mixing with the sounds of nature. Gently Charles told his daughter that her grandmother had died, he was travelling to Chicago the next day to see to his mothers funeral arrangements and settle her affairs. Ellen was upset but not distraught with the news. She barely knew her grandmother, her father had moved to New York to study in his early twenties, he met Julia while at med school and they married once he graduated. He gained an internship in a Brooklyn hospital but had always wanted to practice as a family Doctor. Once they had saved enough money he was able to buy into the small community practice in town. They were happy with the move, Julia missed the vibrancy of the city, the shopping and convenience but once they settled she conceded the slower pace and relative safety of the small, mainly agricultural outback was a better place to raise their child. As a family they had made an annual seven hundred mile journey to visit around Christmas time, occasionally Charles visited alone. Ellen had a sense of foreboding about what was to come. Her father carried on in the same matter of fact tone. As the only child he would inherit his mothers estate in its entirety. A large house, a considerable amount of money, in short, Charles wanted to take his family home. He wanted to move back to Chicago and use his mothers money to set himself up in practice. It was the best thing for all of them he said, a great opportunity, it was what he had always dreamed of, returning to his childhood home and being a family doctor in the community he was raised in. Ellen listened with an increasing sense of dread and a sick feeling in her stomach. She looked at her mother and saw a reluctant acceptance of their fate. They had no control over this, no opinion other than perhaps to decide the furnishings of the family home. Suddenly Ellen understood Patty and her frustrations with more clarity than she had ever done. This was Patty’s greatest fear, that everyone around them had the power to make decisions for them, about them, with no consultation process that mattered. Ellen appealed half heartedly to her mother. Her mother who she knew loved Patty as another child, she had watched her grow, revelled in her achievements, provided comfort in her mothers death, promised her there would always be a home for her with them. 

“What about Patty momma, she's my best friend, she's part of our family, I don't want to go, I don't want to leave her.”

Julia shook her head softly, dislodging the tears that welled in her eyes. She had no option but to support her husband, no income, no way of providing for her daughter, she was as helpless as Ellen was. Charles had made up his mind, he had dismissed all her arguments until she had nothing left to fight with. They were going to Chicago and there was nothing she could do except make the best of it.

“She can visit Ellen, in a few years you can go to college together like you always planned to.”

“You promised her a home momma, I'll never see her again, I'll....”

“Enough Ellen”, her father cut in harshly, “Don't be so dramatic, you're a child, there will be other friends. Chicago is a big city, it has great schools, you will have lots of friends.”

Ellen gave her mother one last look before she stepped off the porch and took off towards the Hewes home, her eyes blinded by tears.

“Let her go Charles, let her go.” Julia wearily went inside, the screen door swinging between them.

By the time she got to Patty’s Ellen could hardly breath through the combination of running and crying. Her hair was in disarray, her shoes scuffed where she stumbled, her face was swollen and awash with tears. Patty sat on a fence rail in the last of the evening light, the sky burned orange and purple. She was silhouetted against the eerie empty backdrop of fields and scrub. Her shoulders were hunched, her head hung down. Ellen threw herself into Patty’s arms and sobbed out the changes to come, Patty was rigid, her face closed and her eyes like chips of flint.

“I thought it was something like that, you can't blame your momma, she has to do what's right for you.”

“You want me to go..” Ellen cried in disbelief.

“Of course not, we don't have a choice Ellen, Patty’s words were laced with bitterness. When are you leaving?”

“I don't know, can't you do something? I thought we'd always be together, you promised, you said I was your girl.”

“I keep my promises, you are mine. All we can do is wait until we're old enough. College is not that far away, nothing will change unless you forget about me once you get to Chicago.”

“How can you say nothing will change, I won't see you every day, I won't be able to hold your hand or kiss you and make sure your happy.”

“I don't have to see you every day to know that I love you. I can wait for you, I'll wait as long as I have to, then I'll come for you and no one will be able to stop us.”

“How do you know? How do you know there won't be some other girl to take my place?”

Patty drew back then and smiled, the smile she only had for Ellen.

“Because you're the only one. In this whole world full of people, you're the only one I will ever truly love.”

Then Patty leaned forward and kissed her full on the mouth, she no longer cared if she was in view of her father or her uncle Pete or the whole damn town. It didn't matter anymore.

They had three more months, Ellen fretted and cried but Patty was stoic and strong. It was a hitch in her plan, not the end of it. Yes she would miss Ellen desperately but it wasn't forever, it wasn't the end. Julia found it hard to look Patty in the eye, she felt she had let her down and reneged on her promise to be there if she needed her. She seemed so affected Patty had to speak up, Ellen was busy with homework so Patty went down to the kitchen with the excuse of getting them lemonade.

“Julia, don't feel bad, I know this isn't your choice. You've been so good to me, I felt welcome here, like I fit somewhere. I won't forget it, I won't forget you. It was like having the momma I always wanted.”

Julia cried and pulled Patty close, the pale, serious little girl whose eyes could cut right through you had captured her heart as soon as she crossed the doorstep holding on to Ellen's hand. 

“Oh Patty, I would have been so proud to be your mother, she loved you, remember that. Ellen loves you and so do I. You're a special girl Patty Hewes, I'm so sorry I won't get to see what a special woman you turn out to be.”

“You will get to see, I won't forget those who helped me, I don't blame you for going away. I won't ever stop being Ellen's friend, I won't forget everything you've done for me.”

Patty released herself from Julia's embrace and slipped back upstairs to Ellen and their homework. 

In the end there was no grand farewell, no last embrace with tears and more vows. Patty watched from a distance as little by little the house was emptied, Ellen was kept busy with the arrangements and Patty made a conscious decision to stay out of the way. They carried on at school as if nothing was changing because Patty refused to believe anything was different and she persuaded Ellen to adopt the same view. They would write, on Sundays once she had Ellen’s number, Patty would use the telephone from the store in town and they could talk. Patty was fifteen, her grades were impeccable. Her teachers and the principal were all on board to assist their remarkable student in her quest for a college education and a career. They had long discussions about suitable schools which offered full scholarships due to her lack of means. Patty was driven by the hardship she had endured. She was interested in social reform and justice. The principal encouraged her to look into law programmes once she had her college degree. It was exciting and overwhelming but Patty was determined. With her teachers help she began to plan and map out her future. She could get work once she enrolled and save enough until Ellen could join her. They would rent a small apartment until she got her law degree and started her career. Patty spent night after night working it out, looking for flaws and ironing them out. She read about the large law firms in the city, noting their history, their hierarchy and if they had any female employees. She was under no illusions, it would be a long hard road. Female attorneys were almost unheard of in the early sixties but there were women out there blazing the trail, Patty was determined to join them.

Ellen left with her mother on the train on a Saturday morning in October, the house lay shuttered and empty, the furniture gone ahead the day before, Charles had been in Chicago for a month already. Patty didn't go to the station, she said her goodbyes the night before, she didn't cry but held Ellen patiently while she did, they promised to write, Patty said once a week was enough, Ellen had to concentrate on her studies to be able to join her in college. Julia sat quietly and listened to her two girls make their plans. Patty sounded so certain, so grown up, her heart ached for the childhood the girl had missed out on. 

“I'll look out for you Patty, you're going to change the world some day.” 

Patty gave her one of her rare, true smiles.

“I'll have you to thank for that.”

“I'll see you soon Ellen, I promise, uncle Pete says I can visit at Christmas.”

“I'll be waiting. I'll write as soon as I get there...”

“See you soon.” 

Patty left then, she slipped out of the bare house like a ghost. She refused to cry, she wasn't a child, it wasn't goodbye.

The letters duly arrived and Ellen sounded bereft, pages and pages of longing and missing that made Patty’s eyes mist and her heart ache. Ellen hated her new school, the other kids had their own circle of friends, they either made fun of her country ways or ignored her. Her momma was miserable, her daddy was at work all the time, the house was cold and draughty. The litany went on. Patty tried to cheer her up, she wrote and told her to remember all the times they spent together and all the plans they made. She told her she went to their tree and sat on the cold ground pretending Ellen was with her to keep her warm. She told her she missed her smile, her scent and her kisses. She signed them from your girl Patty and reminded her that every week that went by they were another week closer to being together. 

On the first of December uncle Pete met Patty at the school gates, he held his hat in his hands. He told Patty Ellen had been hit by a car outside her new school. After years in the country she was unused to the pace of the city, she was distracted, running from a group of girls that had been teasing her, she ran straight into the path of an oncoming car and though she made it to the hospital she died a short time later. Julia had called the town store and they passed the story on. Julia asked Pete to bring Patty to Chicago for the funeral, she said it was important and he had to bring her, to drag her there if necessary. Julia knew Patty, she knew she would never accept this, she refused to say goodbye when they left, she had to say it now. Patty listened, she heard the words all jumbled together in uncle Pete’s low steady voice, she didn't remember anything else until she woke up in her own bed two hours later. Uncle Pete sat at the side of her and took her delicate hand in his work worn one.

“I know it's hard, you have to be strong and carry on. You're little girl is gone Patty, it's time to grow up and stop dreaming.”

Pete was a simple man, he fought a war and saw friends die in a foreign land he had never heard of. People died everyday, the world kept turning, he would make sure Patty kept going, he had promised his sister and like Patty, he didn't break his promises. 

Julia was right, he virtually had to carry Patty onto the train for the journey. He wore the only suit he owned and the pair sat like statues the whole way, neither slept. Pete watched Patty like a hawk, she had barely slept or eaten since hearing the news. She was disappearing into herself. Even her daddy’s sneering words hadn't roused her. Patty’s father was a virtual stranger around the house this past year, rumour had it he had taken up with a woman in town. She didn't care, she was happier without his malevolent presence around. He had never returned to his drinking ways but he had no time for Patty, her accusing stare unnerved him, she would never forgive or forget the beatings he handed out, they barely spoke. It was tough for uncle Pete though, doing the work of two men on the land he would never have a claim on, he did it for Patty, she knew it as well as he did.  
Charles Perkins met them at the station in Chicago, he shook hands with uncle Pete and greeted Patty sadly, he seemed to have aged ten years with grief. Patty barely glanced his way, he was already dead to her. Julia was a different story, for the first time Patty seemed to snap out of her stupor and respond in an appropriate manner. She allowed herself to be hugged, she cried, she sat in the large cold sitting room holding Julia's hand and they talked like equals while Charles and Pete sat in the kitchen dulling his pain with whiskey. 

“Did you see her in the hospital before....” Patty asked in a pained whisper.

“Yes, we saw her, she looked perfect, she didn't have a single mark on her. She woke up just once, all she talked about was you. She said she always thought it would be you to leave her behind. She said you was to look out for her. She wasn’t making much sense. I can't believe she's gone, I keep thinking any minute now she's going to walk in here complaining about everything and none of its real, it's all some awful nightmare and I can't wake up. Her daddy can't look me in the eye, he blames himself, and god help me Patty, so do I. I blame him for bringing us out here and I know it's written all over my face.”

“I can't make it better. For the first time ever, I don't know what to do.” 

Patty’s knuckles turned white with the grip of Julia's hand.

“I saw your letters Patty. No, don't turn away from me. There is no shame here. I don't care, do you hear me? I. Don't. Care. I think I always knew how you felt about each other and I'm glad, as young as she was, I'm glad she knew what it was like to love somebody, and I'm proud it was you. I'm proud.”

Julia took Patty up to a spare, spartan room in the rambling old house. She held her tightly one last time.

“We will get through tomorrow together. I'm glad you're here, even if it's the last time I ever see you. I understand, I'll always think the best of you Patty.”

“I don't know what to do.” 

Patty quietly whispered her words from earlier, for the only time in her life, she had no plan, her dreams snatched away, her future invisible. Julia had already turned away.

Patty woke in the night, she wandered the upstairs landing until she found Ellen's bedroom, she crept inside and picked up a pillow, she hugged it to her face and inhaled the scent of her childhood friend, she felt calmer and comforted. Ellen had not left her by choice, she had not abandoned her, she loved her, she would always love her now. The next day passed, Patty learned that early, no matter how bad a day could be, it would pass. She watched as Charles and Julia Perkins stood side by side yet miles apart by the graveside. She watched as the casket got lowered into the ground and the stark simplicity brought home the finality of it. Ellen was gone, there would be no fancy apartment, no dogs, no cars, no happy ever after in the big city. At the end of the day the sun went down as it always did. Patty and her uncle Pete began the long, silent, journey home. The long days of winter carried on, so did Patty. She went to school, she cut a solitary figure. She completed her work robotically, her grades slipped, she felt she had no purpose, no plan, the school days slipped by unvarying. She made the appropriate responses when asked questions by her teachers, but the loose circle of friends she had made through Ellen drifted away again. Only uncle Pete was constant, his largely silent, solid presence was the rock she could cling to. On Sunday's when she used to call Ellen, she allowed herself fifteen minutes to talk to her in her mind. She would tell her she missed her, that she felt hopeless and aimless, she asked for help, she asked for a sign she wasn't alone. None came.

Patty slid into depression, Pete had no idea how to help. Once she reached sixteen, Patty was as tall as she was going to get. Her slight figure filled out, she had a small waist, small breasts, and shapely legs. She had her long hair cut into a shorter, neat, style. She surprised everyone when she suddenly took up with a young man she met in the bookstore in town. No one knew where he had drifted in from, he was twenty two with a goatee beard, loose clothes and dirty blond hair longer than hers. It was 1966, America was in the throes of rapid social change that was filtering slowly down from the cities to the outlying areas. Tipper had wandered into town after dropping out of school, he brought tales of student protests, rallies and dope filled dreams of free love and equality. Something about him made Patty smile, his dreams were as hopeless as hers. It was impossible to change things from the bottom, you had to claw your way to the top, that was where the power was. He took odd jobs around town and lived in one room of a crumbling long abandoned house. Patty began to spend most of her free time there, ignoring Pete’s objections and the disapproval of the narrow minded towns folk. There were slow kisses and lingering embraces. He smelt stale and unwashed, but he was calm, unthreatening and easygoing. Losing her virginity to him seemed to be a natural progression. The experience was short, uncomfortable and disappointing. Patty felt nothing beyond the initial pain of penetration, he was awkward and inexperienced, he pushed into her without care or consideration. A few thrusts later he collapsed onto her before rolling away and drifting off to sleep. A lone tear trickled down Patty’s face, she shifted away from the damp, dirty mattress and walked the miles home in the early hours slipping into the house straight into uncle Pete’s unwavering stare. He took one look at his niece and noticed everything, the smudged make up, the creased and hastily buttoned clothes, the unmistakable scent that was washing off her. For the first time ever her blue eyed gaze slid away from his. He did not need to say anything, Patty closed her bedroom door quietly. She never saw Tipper again, she purposely avoided town, he didn't come looking for her, after a while he packed his battered duffel and drifted off again. 

Realising she was pregnant hit Patty with the force of a hurricane, she had unwittingly drifted straight into the life she had been fighting to escape since she was five years old, the trap had closed over her head before she even realised it was there. For the first time in her life she was in a state of panic, at least it shook her from the depressive stupor that had invaded her being for the last twelve months. She refused to be stuck in this mess, the end of high school was looming, she had work to catch up on, college applications to pour over. She cursed her stupidity and carelessness, she raged hopelessly against her body and the child that was growing inside it. She held no love for it, no hopes or dreams. She wanted it gone, she swore to herself she would not slip again if she was given another chance. She had no idea what she would do if she was saddled with a child at barely seventeen. She was summoned to the principals office when her condition became too apparent to hide anymore. Patty never raised her eyes from the carpet as the principal who had held this girl up as a shining example of what could be achieved, expressed his horror and disappointment in no uncertain terms. Patty was screaming inside, her face burned and she swallowed tears that had served her no use in the past few months. She ignored the knowing looks from the community as she walked by, her haughty gaze directed straight ahead. People gossiped and stared, she ignored them all and wracked her brain for a way out. Then one day after a long dusty walk in searing heat she saw the glimmer of one. She stumbled to the ground in pain once she arrived back home, her underwear and thighs coated in thick red blood, she still had six weeks to go. Uncle Pete summoned the doctor, he had barely said a word about her pregnancy and thankfully her father had not been seen around town for months. The doctor diagnosed her cervix was weak, the weight of her unborn child was too much for her young body. He advised complete bed rest until she was due to give birth. Patty and uncle Pete exchanged looks, two days later he watched his niece set off from the house in the searing heat of an August day. She walked for miles, she walked through crippling pain welcoming it, urging it on. She reached a horse farm she used to visit with Ellen when they were children. A old farm hand did his best to hang onto his panic and fear as Patty gave birth to a perfect, tiny baby girl. Her eyes remained closed, she never took a breath. He wrapped the child up and handed her lifeless body to Patty. She cried desperate tears of relief over her daughters dainty features on the blood spattered floor. Afterwards Patty spent three days in the hospital before emerging to bury her child next to her mother. She named the child Julia, only Patty, her uncle and the minister were present. A week after that Patty Hewes returned to school, she had been handed a second chance and there would be no more mistakes. She turned to work with renewed purpose and clear goals. She had neglected her studies since Ellen died and look where that had landed her. Work would once again be her saviour, her ticket out. With the support of her teachers Patty studied with an intensity that was frightening. She completed her high school education and received her certificate. Her principal helped her fill out detailed applications to the top three private colleges in New York. He did not believe lack of means should be a barrier to a first class education. There were full scholarships available and he was determined his remarkable student would be accepted. Patty had the sharpest mind and the most towering capability for learning he had ever encountered. While she waited she studied in preparation, applying to schools of that calibre would mean she would no longer be the big fish in the small pond that was home. She would be competing with the finest brains of the richest families and she had to be ready for that. Patty returned to the habits of her early years. She planned. She covered every eventuality and scenario. Patty had worked odd jobs around town since her teens and had saved religiously. She would need clothes, books and study materials. She worked out a budget she would have to adhere to. Once she passed the rigorous entry requirements and impressed the faculty at a face to face interview Patty was accepted at her first choice of college. She was on her way. The young woman said few farewells. The principal, one or two teachers who had supported her, and she sought out Frank O’Neal, long since retired from driving the school bus. Frank could easily be found sat every afternoon sipping coffee in the same busy diner Julia Perkins used to take the girls in to for a Saturday treat.

“Hello Frank, I'm leaving for college next week, I just wanted to stop by and say thank you. I always knew you were in my corner.”

“Well if it isn't little Patty Hewes, look at you, all grown up and ready for the big city. I knew on that first day you were going places. I'm sorry about your little lady, you two were as cute as buttons.”

Patty rolled her eyes but smiled at him kindly.

“Thank you Frank, nobody talks about Ellen anymore”, she whispered. “Goodbye now.”

“Bye Patty, it was a pleasure.”

Frank watched her stride off into the sunshine, her determined gait, tilt of her head and proud posture exactly as it was when she was just six years old. He smiled, he had a feeling he would never set eyes on the girl again, but he was sure he hadn't heard the last of her. The Sunday she left for college Uncle Pete drove her to the station, she wanted to travel alone, she wanted to arrive alone, a mysterious presence who blew in from nowhere. Patty Hewes was always able to look out for herself.


	2. It's Parsons, not Perkins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did warn you it would be a long haul.

As the years passed Patty single-mindedly pursued her dreams. College, law school, passing the bar. She marked off each achievement with a fleeting glow of satisfaction and increased determination to proceed to the next stage. She was the first female associate to be hired by one of the oldest, most prestigious law firms in the city and at last she felt like she had her foot on the rung of the ladder to success. Friends and relationships came and went along the way. Patty ruthlessly exploited them for their connections and their usefulness to her career plans. The young women she studied alongside were only tolerated as long as they did not impede upon her ambition. The boyfriend who adored her and supported her through school was cast aside once she passed the bar. Nothing was going to stand in her way. She wanted success, she wanted to make a name for herself. She wanted the independence that came with position and financial security. She wanted to make all the childhood dreams she shared with Ellen come true. 

The thoughts of her young friend receded as time and Patty moved on. Occasionally her head was turned by a tumbling mane of brunette hair coupled with deep brown eyes but Patty never acted on the attraction. She told herself it was only Ellen who had affected her in such a way, not women in general, and Ellen was long gone. Patty dated a parade of suitable young men but they were soon discouraged by her dedication to her career and the ridiculous hours she put in. The openly ambitious young lawyer was making a name for herself at Nye’s. They had taken a chance on her and were very happy with her progress. Patty knew how to play the game, she flattered, she flirted, she was often first in and last out. She took on work nobody else wanted and tenaciously fought those cases. She networked furiously, fellow lawyers, investigators, police officers. Everyone in her life served a purpose. When she moved into the first apartment she could afford on her own Patty spent the night drinking and reminiscing. She was twenty seven and answered to no one but herself. 

Patty spent eight years building her reputation at Nyes. She fought as many battles with the firm as she fought for them. She campaigned bitterly for pay that was at least the equal of her male counterparts. She fought for better cases and her own team of associates and support staff. The senior partners were desperate to keep one of their star litigators but the gap between Patty’s rampant ambition and the firms conservative background was becoming too wide to bridge. She wanted to pursue cases that were high risk and therefore high profile. She became increasingly frustrated and the arguments increased in frequency and intensity. As she entered her mid thirties Patty decided she was ready to strike out on her own. Her reputation had grown, she had amassed the financial capability and had the necessary connections for success. She infuriated Nyes by taking her clients and a small team of staff with her. Patty was under no illusions how difficult it was going to be yet she still underestimated it. She was in debt up to her eyeballs, she was overcommitted both personally and professionally. Patty Hewes and her fledging firm were both on the verge of collapse. The bank were threatening to call in their loan, her clients were losing faith and the case she had pinned everything on was turning against her. Patty had one last throw of the dice left and she took it. She swallowed her pride and called the man who had been her staunchest ally since she was a mere girl. Uncle Pete had done well for himself in the years Patty had been away. When her father returned with a new wife and daughter to reclaim his land and home Pete had found work around town as a handyman and jack of all trades. Eventually he married and with Patty’s help the couple bought a hardware store in town providing them with a comfortable living. Patty had never once returned to where she was born, she had kept in contact with Pete and he didn't hesitate. He sold the business, handed over the bulk of the money to Patty and moved his wife into a small apartment in a tough area of the city. It took two years to turn things around. Two years and a case that Patty snatched from under the noses of her former employers. A mammoth class action against a pharmaceutical company that Patty’s small outfit had no business taking on. The case was being handled by Nyes, Patty used one of her contacts to infiltrate their meetings and stir up mutiny in the ranks. It cost her thousands of dollars, it put her entire career at risk but she knew if she reeled in such a high profile case and won it her status would be secured. The investigation that followed exposed corruption in the higher reaches of the FDA and led to a major overhaul of the system for granting licences to new drug treatments. The multi million dollar settlement was the highest amount that had ever been granted in a class action of that type. The case catapulted Patty into the big league. Suddenly the girl from nowhere was the hottest lawyer in town.  
Frank O'Neil was eighty five years old, his health and eyesight were failing. He still recognised his little wildcat Patty Hewes when she appeared on the tv of the retirement home he now lived in. He toasted her with his morning coffee and shook his head. He always knew that girl was going places. Charles and Julia Perkins sat in the lounge of their Chicago home and watched in stunned disbelief when Patty suddenly appeared on Good Morning America. Patty’s father still lived in the house she was raised in. He snapped off the tv whenever he heard mention of his daughters name. The ungrateful little brat had never made contact since she left for college almost thirty years ago.

 

Patty spent the few days following her victory in a state of euphoric exhaustion. She did not see this as the end of her struggles but as the real beginning of her career. For the time being her name was on everyone's lips and she had to use the opportunity as a springboard to reach greater heights. Patty was made for the media. She was attractive, quick witted, charming and most importantly female. For once she found her femininity worked in her favour and she grasped the opportunity to raise her profile. She challenged the traditional view of the law being a male preserve. She presented herself as a giant slayer, a Robin Hood figure on the side of the bullied and oppressed. She vowed to take a stance against the greed and entitlement of the big corporations and the previously untouchable men that ran them. The cases and the money poured in. For the next five years Patty built on that reputation. Smart new premises were acquired and her workforce was expanded with like minded young men and women who shared her vision and had the ambition to match her own.  
Patty was almost forty, her career had gone from strength to strength, her firm was in high demand, she was financially secure. When she moved into her penthouse apartment in a sought after building with views overlooking central park it was with a mixture of pride, satisfaction and a strange longing she hadn't felt for years. She had clawed her way to exactly where she wanted to be. All the plans she made as a teenager in Ellen’s bedroom had come to fruition. She had the position, the money, the power and all the trappings of success, she wondered why it wasn't enough. Patty had no real friends, everyone around her served a purpose in her life, they were useful to her. They were her contacts, her network, her colleagues. She attended functions, she dated occasionally, but generally she preferred her own company. Her living space was sparsely furnished and impersonal. She liked to read, to walk in the park, to plan her strategies alone without distraction. She toed a very fine line, there was a lot more to winning cases than presenting the evidence and convincing a jury. People kept secrets, they had vices, they made poor choices, everyone had something to hide. Patty’s firm were adept at finding them out. It was dangerous territory, some people would do anything to protect what they had, Patty would do anything to win a case. The lines blurred, powerful enemies were made, reputations were ruined. During a complex case involving contaminated water supplies and an ensuing attempt to cover the blame and avoid litigation, Patty met a man who intrigued her. Daniel Purcell was a scientist with a fiery temper, two failed marriages and a drinking habit bordering on alcoholism. Three months, one bout of food poisoning that played havoc with her contraceptive pill and a lot of uncomplicated sex later, Patty found herself pregnant in her fortieth year. She was unaccountably pleased. She immediately broke it off with the father, he was attractive but completely unsuitable. She worked until she went into labour at the end of a long and tedious day taking a deposition. Her son arrived nine agonising hours later, he was a disappointment from the moment he was born. Patty had wanted a girl. Daniel fought for access to his child, Patty cited his unstable temperament, alcohol dependency and the two cautions for spousal abuse on his record. She won sole parental rights and effectively shut him out of their child’s life.  
Patty tried, she did everything she was supposed to do according to the books she dutifully read throughout her pregnancy. She fed him, clothed him, provided him with everything necessary to thrive. Except her attention. She returned to work when he was less than three weeks old. It was a relief. She loved him of course she did, he was her child, but she was not prepared to scale back her career or devote herself to the care of her son. She paid handsomely for a parade of nannies to do that. Michael was a fractious, clingy baby. He barely seemed to sleep, he was a magnet for every passing germ and virus. He was nursed through chickenpox, recurrent throat and ear infections and countless colds. He was pleasing to the eye, blond haired, and pale skinned with Patty’s piercing blue eyes and a gummy smile. Patty’s neighbours found him adorable, people would stop her on the street to admire him in his stroller. Patty found him to be a handful, he was difficult to settle, hard to engage and almost impossible to manage in the grip of frequent tantrums. Patty needed to resolve the problem, her schedule was often disrupted by frantic calls from nannies over his health or behaviour issues, she was constantly exhausted through lack of sleep, worrying about her son meant her concentration level was not what it should be. She hoped things would improve when he started school, she felt a reliable routine would iron out his problematic behaviour, unfortunately it got worse. He rebelled against any kind of authority figure, he was disruptive and devious. He was also highly intelligent and charismatic. He made friends easily but would lead his acolytes into mischief that too often spilled over into unsavoury incidents. Patty was hauled up to the school to be informed of acts of vandalism, bullying and find Michael trying to lie and charm his way out of the blame. Patty despaired at an education system unable to police an eight year old boy. She chose an alternative establishment with a stricter regime and a strong emphasis on physical activities as well as academic study, at least he came home exhausted at the end of the day.  
The relationship between mother and son was one of mutual bafflement and exasperation. He craved her attention, even if it was only to berate him about his behaviour, the untidiness of his room, or his backchat. At least for a short time she noticed he was there. For her part, Patty could not understand what was wrong with her boy. He had every advantage money could provide, every comfort she lacked as a child, every opportunity to thrive. Obviously it wasn't enough, she wasn’t enough. The idea formed that he was lacking a suitable male role model in his life, once the idea took root it grew, she was 48 it was high time she had someone to share her life with, someone to come home to, to share the rewards of her labours and the burdens of her work life balance. Once she began to actively look for a suitable partner they were in woefully short supply. The casual relationships she had with the men she chose to accompany her around the function circuit were just that. They were largely older, divorced, charming and attractive but empty. The bulk of their careers were over, they played golf, attended galas and went to the theatre. They were laid back and looking forward to retirement, to cruise ships and the sugary shores of Caribbean beaches. They bored her rigid. A fellow legal professional was out of the question, too many secrets and too much to hide. Phil Grey had never seen himself as an answer to a maidens prayers but he could have been tailor made for Patty. When they met at a political fundraiser he was immediately attracted to her. She was in her prime. She cut an impressive figure, she was immaculately turned out and she dominated the room with her magnetic personality. He knew exactly who she was, Patty’s name was revered and reviled amongst the New York business, legal and political community. He had expected to dislike her, to find her distant and aloof. He was not prepared for Patty to turn her laser gaze and full force of her charm his way. She was acerbically funny, her laugh was loud and infectious. She chatted about baseball and could jive like a professional. Phil was smitten, he had been divorced for five years and had stayed resolutely single ever since. He had no wish to conform to the cliche of a middle aged successful man taking a trophy wife, despite numerous opportunities. He was fifty, independently wealthy. He was reasonably attractive, urbane, popular and lonely. He was a big ripe cherry just waiting for Patty to come along and pick him off the tree. They made arrangements to meet up for dinner the following weekend where they made little attempt to disguise the fact they were measuring each other up. The next weekend Patty procured tickets to see the Yankees play the Red Sox, it was the first time Michael had attended a game. When she introduced him to Phil, the big man lowered himself into Michaels eye line.

“Hello Michael, are you ready to go to the game?”

Michael visibly morphed into a compliant angel, he stuck to Phil like glue the whole day. Patty was dispatched to the vendor for hotdogs and soda. She bought her son a pennant as a reminder of his first game and a cap which stayed on his head for at least a couple of years. When she tucked him into bed that night and asked if he had enjoyed his day, he pronounced it the best day ever. Patty smiled and kissed him goodnight. She married Phil within the year. 

The next eight years passed in a heartbeat and the blink of an eye. Their union was hugely successful, Phil was not in the least intimidated by Patty’s career and accomplishments. He was his own man, he had made a fortune on wall street in the boom times of the nineties and now headed his own financial consultancy business. Patty was a great asset to him, she was a fantastic hostess, she had a brilliant business brain and was extremely well connected. They went hand in glove, he adored her, he supported her career and took to fatherhood like he was born to it. He really had the magic touch with Michael, his grades shot up, his behaviour was transformed, he began to express an artistic nature. He started calling Phil ’dad’ as soon as he married Patty. She was happy and settled in her personal life for the first time, they both were, they got on very well, they were good friends, they were perfectly suited. There was no grand passion, they both recognised and accepted they didn't need it. The sex was infrequent and unspectacular but Patty didn't care. They were at an age where they were past that, what they had was more important and more satisfying. They were a family, they were solid, it was enough, it was better than enough. They were all thriving. 

At fifty seven Patty was at the peak of her powers, she had been around for a long time and she had stayed there through her tenacity and ability to adapt to the sea of change she had experienced in over thirty years as an attorney. Her firm attracted the best, she demanded total commitment and loyalty and made sure she got it. Her name and reputation brought the high profile clients in, she had the resources to deal with anything but there were many other law firms out there fighting for their piece of the pie. Patty was still ahead of the game but the vultures were circling, waiting for her time to be up, waiting for her to slip, waiting for to misstep. Over the years Patty had sailed close to the wind on countless occasions, she had been investigated by the FBI, and the state legal board. Her firm had survived numerous allegations of malpractice but nothing had stuck. Patty made sure to cover every track and uncle Pete had flourished in his role of caretaker. Then the Frobisher case came in and everything went to hell. The irony of it all was, Patty fought really hard to get that case. The majority of the plaintiffs wanted to go with a bigger firm, but in meeting after meeting Patty won them over with the strength of her personality and her successful track record. The case stretched their capabilities, after months of investigation and wrangling they were nowhere near proving Arthur's corruption. Her clients were growing restless, Frobisher’s lawyers were growing more confident and then a tenuous link turned up. A graduate, fresh out of law school was connected to a potentially vital witness. Patty was convinced Katie Connor knew something, but the girl was frightened, she had been bought off by Frobisher and wasn't talking. They needed a way to get to her. Patty decided she needed a new associate and an interview was set up. Patty had started in surprise when she heard the girls name, and the fact she had interned at her old stamping ground of Nye and Pollock. She felt strangely uneasy and unsettled. She didn't like coincidences.

“Tom when is Ellen Perkins coming in?”

“Parsons. It's Ellen Parsons, she's scheduled interview on Wednesday. Are you going to sit in? We need to sway her in our direction. She’s done twelve months as an intern at Nye’s and they've made her a firm offer. Apparently she’s the real deal. Didn't you start out at Nye’s?”

“About a hundred years ago, the old man is still around, he must be older than god by now, he’s a good man. He hated me. Still does.”

Tom rolled his eyes, no surprises there, most of her contemporaries hated Patty.

“I'll sit in, we need a break in this case, we need to get Perkins on board. Going through her brothers fiancée is a long shot, but I'm sure Katie Connor knows something.”

“Parsons.”

“What?”

“It's Parsons not Perkins.”

“Parsons, Perkins, whatever. Bring the interview forward, let's see how good she really is. Catch her under prepared, get her in tomorrow at ten.”

“Alright, I'll make the arrangements.”

Tom scuttled out of Patty’s office thankfully. His unpredictable boss had been in a bitch of a mood for days. He called Ellen Parsons who sounded remarkably unflustered by the change of schedule and the meeting was set up. Ellen put the phone down and took a deep steadying breath. This was the chance of a lifetime, it was huge. She was ready.  
Ellen had excelled through her education, in law school and her internship at Nye’s. She was popular, hard working, focused and extremely ambitious. The internship at Nye’s was a huge accolade, they were a big, powerful firm with a long illustrious history. Her talent had been rewarded with an offer of employment and a starting salary beyond her expectations. But when she got a call from Hewes and associates she stalled on Nye’s offer. Working for Patty was her dream ticket, Patty was a maverick, a legend, the long time poster girl for what women could achieve in the still male dominated legal world. Nye’s was a great firm, but it was huge, she would be a face in the crowd there. It could take her years to establish herself. Hewes and Associates were known for their aggressive, no holds barred approach. She would gain more experience in three years there than she would in ten at Nye’s. The chance to learn from Patty was a golden opportunity. Ellen Parsons did not pass up golden opportunities. She spent the night cramming and brushing up her knowledge of Patty’s firm and it's recent history. She had an early night, she wanted to look her best, first impressions were important.  
Ellen dressed carefully, she wanted to look professional but not too slick. She wore her hair up, kept her make up discreet, but could not resist four inch heels. She checked herself in the mirror for the umpteenth time. Her fiancé David made approving noises when she presented herself as she was ready to leave.

“You look fantastic, go and get them girl, this is your dream job. I'm so proud of you.”

He kissed her cheek, careful not to smudge her make up and she left to make the journey into the city. Ellen had met David at college, they were the perfect pair. The med student and the high flying law school pupil. Against the odds of their gruelling education and study choices they had made it. They were a devoted young couple, they had moved into a small apartment when David continued his training at St James’ and Ellen was interned at Nyes. They congratulated themselves on their good fortune, they were living the dream. A job at Hewes and associates would be the icing on the cake. 

Patty heard the young woman announce her arrival in the large, bustling, outer office space. She saw Tom go out to greet her through the open door of her private office. When the young woman came into her view Patty almost collapsed in shock. She literally felt the blood drain from her face and the breath leave her lungs. It was like being punched in the gut. Her knees buckled and she landed heavily in her chair. For a moment she thought she was going to pass out, her vision blurred. She put her head down and took several deep breaths before she felt able to collect herself. Out there in the midst of the frenetic chaos of her life's work stood the ghost of the girl who had been gone for over forty years. Patty’s brain slowly started up again, rationally she knew of course it wasn't her Ellen, but the resemblance was astonishing. This was not the passing similarity she had seen constantly in women before. This girl looked exactly like Patty had imagined Ellen would grow to be. The hair, the large expressive eyes, the dress sense, even the shoes, her girl always did have a passion for unsuitable footwear. It was as if the fates had lined up and brought her back. Even the name was practically the same. No wonder she had everything mixed up in her mind. From her view, Patty could see Tom talking and leading her into his office. The girl smiled at his easy camaraderie and that smile almost caused Patty’s heart to stop in her chest. It was genuine, blinding, and achingly familiar. It was the same smile an earnest, nervous, little eight year old had given her on the school bus all those years ago. It was the smile she would do anything to cause. It was the smile she had fallen instantly in love with. Patty felt the sting of tears, and an agonising stab of loss. She put her hand to her mouth and turned away. Tom stuck his head through the door before she had a chance to fully compose herself.

“Ellen Parsons is here Patty, are you coming in?”

“No, you deal with it, I'm snowed under here.”

Tom’s brow furrowed in confusion, he knew they needed her on board, Patty’s presence at the meeting was designed to flatter the young woman, it would be the clincher. 

“Um, ok, are you feeling alright? You look a little pale.”

“Tell her to come in on Saturday, I'll see her then.”

“But..”

Patty looked up sharply and Tom backed out with an exasperated sigh. Patty moods were as changeable as the weather, one minute the girl was vital to their plans the next she couldn't even take the time to make it happen. He knew better than to press the issue. Patty was a law unto herself. He had survived in her employment for eight years, he virtually worshipped the ground she walked on. Whatever her reasons were she wasn't going to change the habits of a lifetime and explain them to him or anyone else. He shrugged and headed back to his office. Fifty minutes later he approached Patty with some trepidation, the interview had been going great, she was obviously desperate to join them but had flat out refused to come in on Saturday. Her sister was getting married, she was to be her bridesmaid. She was apologetic and regretful but adamant. It was out of the question.

“What did you make of her?”

“Her connection to Frobisher aside, she is actually an excellent candidate, just what we’re looking for. Her academic record is outstanding, she graduated top of the pile from Columbia. Nye’s made her an incredible offer and the appraisals from her internship there are impeccable. They don't want to lose her, but she's keen to come here, she won't take much persuading.”

“Well, I'll make up my own mind on Saturday.”

Tom cleared his throat nervously.

“She can't come in on Saturday, it's her sisters wedding in New Jersey, she's the Maid of Honour.”

Patty looked incredulous, but a slight smile danced on her lips.

“She refused to come in because of a family wedding?”

“I know, Tom rolled his eyes at her apparent stupidity. It was a long shot anyway, we’ll find another way to get to Katie.”

Tom returned to his work, Patty mulled things over and got little done for the rest of the day. When she returned to her apartment that night it was largely silent. Michael was staying with a schoolfriend, he was barely home these days and Phil was snoring softly stretched out on a lounge chair in front of the tv. Patty removed her shoes, poured a large measure of bourbon and quietly climbed the stairs. In her bedroom she collected a small box from a high recess in her closet. She was not a sentimental woman, she had few mementoes of her childhood, but in this nondescript box she had two photographs of her mother and some certificates and awards from her school years that uncle Pete had kept in this very box. She hesitated over the small locket that held a few tiny snippets of her still born daughter’s hair and the record of her birth and burial. Patty shook her head and sipped her bourbon, a hopeless tear dripped down her cheek. It was so long ago, she closed her eyes against the memory of the tiny lifeless bundle she held awkwardly in her arms. Guilt, relief, shame and regret warring through her young mind. It was for the best then, the pain she had buried for so many years roared up her body and she fought it down. What was done was done. Patty’s hand tightened around a small sheaf of letters in a creased worn envelope. She removed them, Ellen's neat script was still perfectly visible forty years later. This was all she had of her sweet girl, fifteen letters full of longing and complaints at their separation. She signed them all the same way.

“I’ll always be your girl, I love you. Ellen.” 

She filled any remaining lines with kisses. The final item in the envelope was the one photograph she had to prove Ellen Perkins ever existed in her life. It showed the two of them aged perhaps twelve or thirteen. They were in the garden of Ellen's home on a bright summers day with flowers blooming all around them. Patty recalled the day clearly, it was a Saturday, they had spent the whole day together as they used to. She would appear at Ellen's house around nine in the morning, Ellen would fuss over her choice of outfit as her mother would be taking them into town. Patty would have the final say, she would help her fix her beautiful unruly hair and proudly walk her around the small selection of stores in the town as Julia visited the beauty parlour. Ellen would sigh over the ridiculous shoes in the sole ladies outfitters where Patty would indulge her friends fascination before heading for her own favourite place, the bookstore. Patty was well known there, the assistants would keep donations of second hand books to one side until young Patty came in to take her pick. Then it was ice cream and soda at the diner or sometimes a movie where they held hands in the dark. There was no movie that particular Saturday. It was too nice to be inside, they had returned to the Perkins house and lounged in the garden, warm and happy in each others company. Julia had produced the camera and Ellen wrapped herself around Patty like a vine, both arms around her shoulders, her head tucked under the blonds smiling up at her in adoration. Patty was laughing, her own arm around Ellen's waist hugging her close. Julia snapped half a dozen photos and later gave this one to Patty who kept it in a frame on her dresser until Ellen died, then she had packed it away with the letters. It was still as sharp as her memories. Carefully she replaced everything into the box and put it back on the high shelf. She finished her drink and got into bed, she dreamed of Ellen for the first time in years. When she woke the next morning with a fuzzy head and a sickly feeling in her guts she knew what she was going to do. The final words Ellen ever spoke played in a loop in her mind.

“Look out for me. Look out for me. Look out for me.”

Wearily and with a strange sense of foreboding Patty prepared herself for the day. On Saturday afternoon she left the office and still in her work day suit she had her driver take her the short journey to New Jersey. A few discreet inquiries had procured the necessary details and forty minutes later Patty hovered outside the function room of a mid range hotel. The wedding breakfast was in full swing, the speeches were currently being made. Patty slipped in, ordered a large bourbon from the bar and watched for a few minutes. Patty saw to her relief that Ellen's sister was nothing like her. She was heavier, plainer and had obviously just achieved her life’s ambition. Patty’s eyes sought out her quarry, she was sat at a table with her parents talking animatedly, her gown was a dark cream silk, her hair was up, her heels were high. She looked happy, she walked over to her sister and hugged her tightly then made her way out of the hall presumably to the ladies room. Patty seized her chance. She waited a few moments, took several breaths and followed. Patty’s heart was hammering in her chest, her mouth was dry, her mind reeled back to a time when all she wanted to do was spend time with her best friend. She remembered the warm glow of happiness she used to feel when walking over to Ellen's house in all weathers to catch the bus knowing her friends eyes would light up at the sight of her. She shook her head, this was not the time to stir up memories, this was not her childhood friend. This was important, this was business. So Patty entered the bathroom intent on catching the young woman completely off guard, she would have the upper hand, she would ensure the girl would be her employee in the next few minutes. Ellen was stood washing her hands and checking herself in the mirror when she felt rather than saw another presence in the room. Her skin prickled and she looked around, her jaw dropped open in disbelief at the sight of Patty Hewes leaning casually against the counter with a bourbon in hand and a smile of greeting on her face.

“Miss Hewes? My god what are you doing here?” Ellen was incredulous.

“An ambitious young woman turning down the opportunity of her dream job for her sister’s wedding. I have to admire that, I admire family loyalty. Tell me do you still think you made the right decision?”

Ellen looked at her quizzically.

“I could not miss my sisters wedding. I hope you don't think I made the decision lightly, I was honoured to even be considered for a job, but in the same circumstances I would have to make the same choice.”

“Good for you, I like people who make difficult choices and are prepared to live with the consequences. It shows the strength of character we are looking for in our employees.”

“Does that mean I get the chance to come back in to interview?” 

Ellen was facing her now, close enough for Patty to be able to really scrutinise her for the first time. She looked so young, so eager, she reeked of ambition yet she was strong enough look her directly in the eye and tell the truth when it would have been more to her advantage to lie.

“No. That means you’re hired. I'll expect you a week on Monday at eight. Don't be late.”

Patty turned to leave, Ellen was staring at her as if she had two heads. On impulse Patty reached out her arm and offered her glass.

“Do you want some bourbon? It will take the edge off.”

Ellen's hand reached out automatically and took the glass. Patty walked out, satisfied she had a firm grip on whatever madness had infected her by Ellen Parsons’ appearance in her life. The young woman had no idea what had just happened, she was of course completely unaware of the effect she had on Patty. She stared at her reflection in the mirror and barked out a laugh, she took a huge gulp of bourbon, she had no taste for it, she coughed, laughed manically and coughed some more. She eventually composed herself and went in search of her fiancé to relay the incredible events of the last few minutes. The following week gave Ellen a chance to settle things amicably with Nye’s. She was genuinely torn about leaving, they had taken a chance on her and offered her a tremendous opportunity but she had to be selfish, this was her career, working for Patty was a fast track to success. The old man himself took her for lunch on her final day. He had spotted Ellen's potential as easily as he had spotted a young Patty Hewes all those years ago. In fact Ellen was the nearest thing to Patty he had ever seen. The thought did not necessarily please him. He believed Patty had lost sight of her principals in her endless pursuit of victory. She had become a prisoner of her own ego, her thirst for power and recognition had spiralled out of control. She surrounded herself with people who believed she could do no wrong and was a corruptive, corrosive influence. He did not want to see Ellen go the same way, he tried in an oblique way to discourage her but he could see the same determination in her eyes as he saw in Patty’s. Sadly he handed her his card, he wrote ’you have been warned’ on the reverse and walked away. Ellen frowned in bemusement and wrote it off as Nye being sentimental about her. He had supported and encouraged her from the beginning or perhaps it was plain old sour grapes about Patty pinching his star pupil from under his nose. Either way she put it out of her mind. The future called.

Patty purposely kept her distance on the Monday Ellen began work, she resolutely stayed in her office and assigned the task of showing the new associate round and making introductions to Tom. They were buried deep in the mire of the Frobisher case and Patty didn't wish to show her hand too early or risk being distracted by Ellen's appearance. As she was preparing to leave for yet another client meeting Patty saw Pete making his way through the open space hauling a trolley laden with files. He was almost eighty now and filled the role of general handyman and jack of all trades happily. He was fit and alert, he enjoyed working too much to stay away even though he was well aware he wasn't really needed anymore. He had been Patty’s eyes and ears around the firm for years, nothing got past the wily old man even now. For over twenty years he had watched Patty’s back and been involved in many a clean up operation. His niece had the happy knack of pissing off powerful, dangerous men. Sometimes it was necessary to get your hands dirty in the cause of the greater good. Pete made sure nothing could come back to haunt them. Money changed hands, secrets were revealed, people were exposed, this was the way of their world. He had revelled in it. Now he was happy enough to move files around and deliver dry cleaning to the latest round of hotshots that filled Patty’s firm, all full of their own importance and basking in the glow created by her hard work over the years. He watched, he listened and he reported back. He had a huge network of acquaintances gathered that ran from lawmen to law breakers, Pete had proved invaluable and Patty had shown her gratitude with great generosity. She watched her uncle do a double take as Ellen Parsons walked out of her small corner office. She was actually relieved to see his reaction. It proved she had not imagined it and projected Ellen's image onto her namesake. Tom made the introductions and Pete shook her hand with a sour expression that never morphed into a welcoming smile. He gripped the trolley and wheeled it into Patty’s office sliding the door shut behind him.

“Who the hell is that?”

“I believe you've just been introduced. It’s Ellen Parsons, our new associate.”

“My god, she's her living image, even the name is the same...”

“My Ellen’s surname was Perkins. I admit the similarity is striking but it's coincidental. She holds the key to the Frobisher case, I'm certain of it.”

“And that's the only reason she's here?”

“Yes, when she's outlived her usefulness we will let her go.”

“I don't like it, I know how you felt about that girl.”

“You don't have to like it” Patty cut him off sharply. “Ellen Perkins has been dead for over forty years. I haven't thought about her for a long time. I need to get to this meeting, keep an eye on her, make sure she has everything she needs, we need to keep her sweet.”

Patty swept out. She left it until Friday before she directly approached Ellen. She slipped quietly into her office at almost seven, most of the staff had left, she had ensured Ellen had been kept busy shuffling paper all week. The girl must be bored witless already.

“Ellen” 

The name came out softer than she intended, the young brunette looked up startled from her concentration. 

“I'm sorry I haven't been around much to welcome you to the firm. You've had a good first week, how are you settling in? Is everyone treating you alright?”

“Everyone's been great, I'm still finding my feet.”

Patty smiled distractedly and let her gaze wander around the small space that had already taken on some of the girls personality. A rather tired looking plant sat on the windowsill, files littered the desk and a pair of cheap touristy book ends sat on the cabinet against the wall. She slid a plastic card across the desk.

“Associates get an expense account at Bergdorfs. You’re representing the firm now, It's important to look the part. I'll leave you to finish your work. By the way, those bookends are hideous, get rid of them.”

Patty turned and left the office to make her way home.

“I'll buy you all the pretty dresses you need.” 

At least one promise she made would be kept. Patty shook her head at her foolishness. The girl played havoc with her concentration. She had not been sleeping well, Michael was becoming an increasing worry to an already overtaxed mind. He had emerged from puberty a completely different boy from the gangly youth that went in. He seemed to have regressed to his childhood habit of defying her at every turn. He spent long periods away from home despite her disapproval and had become lazy, complacent about his education and directionless. Even Phil had little sway over his behaviour although Michaels attitude towards him had not changed. College was looming and so far he was refusing to comply with her wishes and attend to his applications. He was a bright boy, but like so many offspring of wealthy families his sense of self entitlement outstripped his desire and ambition. Phil was becoming more and more concerned, he lectured her about the need to give the boy more attention, he needed her support and encouragement. Patty believed he needed more discipline and a hard kick in the ass. She would deal with it later, she needed some peace at home, god knows it was in short enough supply at work. 

Half through her third week Ellen and Tom were summoned into Patty’s office. They had decided to confront Ellen with katie’s connection to the Frobisher case and gauge her reaction. Patty was uncharacteristically anxious about it, she had already put it off once but time was moving on and their case was not. Surprisingly Ellen was, on the surface at least, unconcerned. Of course she knew about Katie being questioned by Patty’s team about her link to Frobisher, she claimed to know nothing. She had catered a party for a friend of Arthur's, he had been impressed and offered her financial backing for her restaurant venture. Patty thought this was a crock, she was convinced Katie had seen something and had been bought off. 

“Ellen I know this puts you in a difficult position, family is family, but I need Katie Connor to come back in. I can sideline you on this case if that makes you uncomfortable. Or you can talk to Katie yourself, persuade her to come in voluntarily and give a detailed statement, look at some photographs and see if she recognises anyone with a connection to Frobisher. Someone tipped him off that night and Katie may have seen who that was and not be aware of the importance of what she saw.”

“Patty it's fine, I've already talked to Katie and David about this happening. The whole investigation has frightened her, she's never been mixed up in anything before. If I bring her in she will feel more comfortable answering your questions. Maybe she did see something and hasn't realised it. She just wants the whole mess to go away.”

“I'm sure she does,” Patty smiled placatingly “Can she come in on Wednesday? I have an hour or so, she may feel less intimidated if it's just the two of us. I can show her the photos, if she doesn't recognise anyone that will be the end of it.”

“I'm sure she will agree, what time suits you?”

“Early, have her come to work with you. Be here for eight.”

Ellen left the office and Tom raised his eyebrows at his boss.

“Do you think she knows the only reason we hired her was to get to Katie?”

“I don't know. She’s quite difficult to read. How's her work?”

“First rate, I can't fault her attitude either.”

Patty hummed, Ellen was plainly a bright girl. She may have figured it out and decided to take the job anyway in order to get on. That's what she would have done given the same circumstances, a way in was a way in. Either way it didn't matter. She was delivering Katie to them on a plate.  
Katie duly arrived on Wednesday morning, Patty introduced herself all smiles and studied politeness. The pair made their way to Patty’s office, she closed the door behind them. Katie seemed nervous and evasive, she was hoping her pretty smile and innocent demeanour would be enough to see her through this. Patty guessed that particular act had been enough through Katie's young life. Fifteen excruciating minutes later Patty had reduced Katie to a sobbing mass, had her scared out of her mind and had extracted the information she wanted. Katie left the building on the verge of hysteria and Ellen was understandably furious. She blew into Patty’s office like a hurricane and the ensuing argument was enough to send Ellen's temper into orbit and cause Patty’s blood pressure to skyrocket. Half the building could hear them going at it even with the door closed. Tom winced as he hovered outside clutching a slim file of information that the name provided by Katie had already produced. So much for Ellen's ’girl next door’ persona, she was more than holding her own in there. Once he decided there was a lull in proceedings he took the chance and opened the door. His eyes widened as the two protagonists stood either side of Patty’s desk. Ellen was obviously still seething with temper while his boss’s face was flushed scarlet and her whole body strung taught with anger. The air in the room crackled with tension and animosity.

“Um Patty? I’ve gathered anything we could find about Gregory Molina.”

“Is there a link?” she barked in Toms direction never taking her eyes from the brunette across the room.

“There may be, he's gone from bartender to wall street so fast it makes your head spin.”

“Someone's backing him, we need to know who that is. Put somebody on him, and Katie Connor.”

“Patty, she only met him that night, he was a one night stand she was embarrassed about, she hasn't seen him since.” 

Ellen sounded exasperated but defensive now. Katie had been caught lying once, who knew what else she had lied about.

“So she says, but she's been denying meeting anyone all along. We could have had this information months ago. For her own safety I urge you to get her to come to me with everything she knows about Molina before somebody else gets to her.”

“What are you saying? Do you think she’s in danger?”

“It depends how much she really knows, I don't think she’s involved other than trying to protect this man but Arthur Frobisher will stop at nothing to protect what he has.”

“Alright, I'll talk to her, I'll talk to David but I can't promise anything.”

Both women spent a restless night, Patty drowned her frustrations in bourbon. She did not tolerate challenges to her authority but Ellen just like her namesake had simply barged her way past Patty’s defences and gone straight for her throat. It would have been disastrous if it had not had been so impressive. Patty smiled wryly when Tom informed her the betting pool in the office had odds on Ellen not lasting longer than three months. Patty was only surprised they hadn't opted for less than that. When David arrived home he was livid at Patty’s treatment of his sister and it took all Ellen's diplomacy skills to talk him down. She decided to leave it a few days before asking Katie to go back in, but in the end she didn't have to. Katie turned up at the door terrified, she claimed she was being followed, her apartment had been broken into, her dog had been killed. Frobisher was threatening to withdraw the financial backing for her restaurant. Her life was falling to pieces and Greg who she had protected by keeping his name out of things was not returning her calls. They decided to go back to Patty, to tell her what she knew and accept her protection. For a couple of weeks, everything settled down. In order to mend some fences and re-establish some trust Patty invited Ellen and David over to her apartment for dinner using the excuse she liked to get to know her employees. It was not a success. David barely concealed his hostility, Ellen tried to make up for it by trying too hard and talking too much. Patty was hopelessly distracted by Ellen's looks and tight fitting dress while Phil was blissfully unaware of any tension and commented on what a pleasant evening he had had and what a well suited couple they were. Patty disagreed, she had summed David up as ineffectual and weak. He would drag Ellen down, resent her career and dull her potential by talking babies and picket fences within a year or two. Men like David had to come first, didn't all doctors have a god complex? Phil had laughed at that, Patty failed to see the irony. A week later Patty sidled into Ellen's office late in the evening. She dangled keys from her fingers and had a mischievous look in her eye. 

“Didn't you say you were looking for a new apartment?”

Ellen looked at the keys in confusion.

“Well, yes.”

“I've found you a great place, two bed, two bath, it's on the upper east side....” she swung the keys back and forth hypnotically. 

“We can't afford the upper east side...”

“I’ve got a great deal on it. Take a look at least.” 

Ellen’s face registered disbelief but her smile was blinding. Patty was unconsciously leaning in and down towards the young woman who was sat at her desk before she suddenly became aware of it and snapped herself upright. Patty was horrified. She had almost kissed her, another second, another few inches and she would have done it. She was completely shocked to lose control to such an extent. The girl had looked so happy, so exactly like her Ellen did when Patty had surprised her with something unexpected and nice. A carefully gathered bunch of wild flowers, a pretty band for her hair, and once after weeks of saving, the latest record from her favourite band. Ellen looked at her like she was solely responsible for that happiness, and Patty had totally got lost in that look. She stayed at her desk trying to lose herself in work long after everyone else had left but Ellen Parsons kept invading her thoughts. She had the potential to get to the top, more importantly she had the ambition and determination. She had already proved herself to be a great asset, but she was unpredictable and had a temper she would have to learn to control. The Frobisher case was coming to the sharp end, they had turned up an unlikely link between Molina and Arthur Frobisher’s lawyer Ray Fisk. Patty could use it to put pressure on Ray, it was a shame, she had known him for years, he was a great lawyer and Patty considered him to be a friend. Friendship had no place here, business was business and Ray would understand. She could save him from personal and professional ruin if he came on side and handed Frobisher to them. Ray had been foolish and allowed himself to be manipulated by Molina due to his previously undisclosed fondness for attractive young men. Patty didn't give a shit about what Ray got up to in his private life but she would have no alternative but to expose him if he refused to help her case, he would be finished. A showdown was looming, her team were anxious and working flat out, Patty could not allow her concentration to waiver, too much depended on it.

David put aside his misgivings once he saw the size and scope of the place Patty had somehow managed to procure for them at an unbelievably low rate for an apartment of that size in this upscale part of town. They moved in with great excitement, it came part furnished and Ellen made it a homely living space by mixing their own stuff and adding personal touches. She thanked Patty profusely but the older woman seemed to have lost interest. Of course she was in the midst of a huge case, but Ellen felt she was suddenly getting the cold shoulder and being nudged out of the picture, she wasn't happy. She had put a lot on the line for this case. She had gone against David, she had worked her ass off for weeks now, and she refused to be shunted aside like yesterdays trash now the end was in sight. She vowed to confront Patty about it. She had her suspicions about the reasons the Hewes firm had suddenly targeted her for a job. She was neither stupid or arrogant enough to believe she was the only one they were considering. Her connection to Katie had no doubt swung things her way, but she had used the chance to her advantage, she had proved her worth and now she wanted her involvement and work on this case to be recognised. The discussion with Patty degenerated into an argument at record speed. Voices were raised and papers were scattered as Ellen's resolve to hang on to her temper crumbled a few minutes in. Patty was cold and detached, she didn't have time for dramatics, she had a job to do and a case to win and Ellen or no Ellen she was going to do it. With his usual impeccable timing Tom strode into the office. He walked in just in time to hear Ellen hammering the final nails into her own coffin.

“I'm so sick of all your bullshit.” 

Ellen's voice was low and unwavering but she was trembling with repressed rage and emotion.

“Then get the hell out.” 

Patty spat out in a malevolent whisper.

Tom stared incredulously from one to the other until Ellen turned on her heel and went to fulfil her employers last request. 

“Patty... he began but the blond cut him off.

“Unless you want to join her in looking for new employment I suggest you shut up and get back to work.”

Tom turned tail and went to look for Ellen, they had quickly become friends and allies. They worked well together, he looked out for her and protected her from the petty jealousy shown by some of the other associates. He liked the girl, she was obviously talented, hard working and diligent. She had done everything asked of her and more, but as usual it wasn't enough for Patty. Ellen was too headstrong, too opinionated and too volatile for her own good. Given time, experience and more maturity she may get past that, apparently they would never know. Tom found her slamming around in her office throwing things into a box, there wasn't much, she decided to leave the plant.

“That wasn't your finest hour Ellen.”

“I don't care, she won't listen to reason. I'm tired of being left out in the cold after putting all the work in. I'll survive Tom, its a big world out there, maybe you should take a look too. Thank you for helping me out here, this is goodbye I guess, keep in touch.” 

Ellen's voice was hoarse and thick with the threat of tears, she refused to let fall. She vowed their final memory of her would not be a show of weakness as if she were an over emotional child.

“I will. Look when she calms down there might be a chance....”

“Forget it, I'm done here.”

Ellen walked away, she walked out on Hewes and associates, out on her dream, out on Patty, and made her way to the apartment, to the place she wondered if they would be even able to call home for much longer. When she got there she tossed the box into a corner, crumpled onto the couch and let bitter tears of disappointment and pent up frustration fall. 

Patty spent the rest of the day in a shocking temper. How dare she? How dare that impudent, ungrateful little upstart try to tell her how to do her job. How dare she have the gall to demand and dictate to her. She had underestimated her from the beginning and she had ought to have known better. She had been too distracted by Ellen, too confused by the past and present colliding in such a way to recognise how unpredictable the girl was. She was a loose canon and Patty could not allow the girl’s wilful nature to interfere with the case. Late that evening she poured herself a bourbon and sat exhausted on the couch in her office, she drifted off to a fitful sleep. She dreamt of Ellen Perkins for the third time in as many weeks. They walked along the dusty tracks of her former home holding hands in the twilight. Ellen was sulky and agitated, she was pouting and tugging on her friends hand holding her back.

“I’ve been so lonely without you, I've been looking for you.”

“I'm right here Ellen what's the matter with you. I've always been here.”

“You've forgotten me, you promised you would look out for me.”

“How could I have forgotten you, I'm here holding your hand, you're my girl aren't you? I've just been busy.”

“Too busy to listen to me. You were always the smartest girl in school. When did you get to be so stupid.”

Patty stopped walking and turned to face her best friend in shock. The vision of Ellen grew cloudy and started to fade. Her soulful brown eyes glowed as her apparition grew misty.

“Open your eyes Patty. Don't leave me here.”

The blond jerked awake on the couch, she rose to a sitting position and shook her head. This case was taking it out of her. Her home life provided no respite. She felt the ghost of Ellen’s warm hand in hers and the familiar scent of the girl lingered in the air. Patty wiped her face, surprised to feel the wet trail of tears. Her heart clenched at the thought how different her life may have been if Ellen had not been snatched away. She still felt a little disorientated as she wondered if they really would have made a life or if they would have grown up and apart. Patty smiled ruefully, she still remembered the warm feeling that filled her heart just being around her girl. The way her eyes widened and shone when Patty would describe how their life would be. Ellen hung onto her every word. She made Patty feel special and important and for the first time in her life, loved. As young as they were she never doubted what they felt for each other was love. She had never felt it since. It was almost midnight when Patty finally lay in bed, the remnants of her earlier dream lingered for the rest of the day. She had spent a large part of the evening going over the file Ellen Parsons had thrown down as she stomped out of Patty’s office in a fit of pique. The girl had turned up a promising line of inquiry despite defying Patty in doing so. The older woman lay unable to sleep despite consuming a large amount of bourbon. She had to get Ellen back onside. The case could turn on her persistence even though she drove Patty to distraction. The following day she found herself at Ellen's apartment door. Her fiancé opened it not bothering to hide his disdain of the woman in front of him. Thankfully he was leaving for work and Ellen agreed to talk to her. The dark haired woman sat on the floor of her lounge looking impossibly young and still sporting her truculent attitude. She eyed Patty suspiciously, her dream job no longer held the appeal it once had. Patty was impossible to work for, her ego was enormous, her temper ferocious and she refused to listen to anyone with an opinion that didn't match her own. Ellen expected tough, she wasn’t green, she knew Patty’s reputation. She expected to be challenged, she expected to be buried in work but she was not prepared to be bullied, browbeaten or belittled by the woman in front of her. She cared about this case, she had put the work in, gone against David, followed her instincts and got nothing but grief in return. Now Patty was at her door waving a white flag and asking her to come back because once again she could be of use. Ellen recognised the magnetic pull of the blonds personality. Tom has virtually abandoned his own ambition to be Patty’s lap dog. That wasn't going to happen to her. She agreed to return to help with the case and then she was done. The two women eyed each other warily across the room. Both felt they had got what they wanted. 

Suddenly Ellen found herself back in the action, right in the eye of the storm. She watched Patty, mesmerised by the way she handled herself. She went after Arthur Frobisher with the ferocity of a pit bull, her clients were losing patience and wanted to take their chances elsewhere but Patty won them round with her unshakeable belief in her ability to come out on top. Everyone was snapping at her heels, her clients, the press, Frobisher’s people. She was pulling shifts that would have flattened someone half her age but she would show up the next morning looking bright eyed and immaculate. This is what Patty Hewes lived for. The thrill of it, matching wits and crossing swords. Ellen had to admit the woman was without equal. Despite the intensity of their work, all their lines of inquiry hit dead ends. Then Gregory Molina was killed in a hit and run. Before he died he left evidence with Katie of the stock in Frobisher’s company that Ray Fisk had gifted him and how he sold it when Ray tipped him off it was all about to come crashing down. Patty seized the information as leverage against Ray. She invited him to her office and confronted him with her knowledge. He would lose everything, his job, his marriage, his reputation. Patty had always liked Ray. She enjoyed his dry wit, old school manners and courtly southern charm. They had crossed swords before. He was a strong lawyer, a worthy opponent and a loyal man. None of that mattered now. This was business, Ray would understand. Once it was over they would have a drink and she would find a way to make things right. Patty was not interested in making a deal or reaching a settlement. She wanted to expose Arthur Frobisher for the criminal he was and she demanded Ray throw the case in court or she would reveal his part in the scandal. Patty underestimated the strength of Ray’s pride and how much the intense pressure of the past few months had affected him. When he walked out of her office that evening Patty was convinced he would come around. Thirty seconds later he walked back in, took out a gun and decorated the interior walls of Patty’s office with his blood and brain matter.

At the same time across town, Ellen was fighting bitterly with David. He could not understand why she had returned to work for Patty after all the trouble she had caused for Katie. He felt she was putting her work before their relationship and he demanded she make a choice. It was him or her job. When she didn't answer he told her they were over. Ellen left her apartment and made her way to the office where she had a meeting with Patty to discuss the way forward after confronting Ray. The scene that greeted her was like something out of a horror movie. Ray was slumped against the wall, his sightless eyes staring in silent accusation, the gun still in his hand. Patty was frozen in shock in the doorway. 

“He, he's killed himself? Oh god, we did this, we pushed him too far.”

Patty recovered quickly and drew Ellen back into the outer office away from the scene. This was a nightmare, she had to get Ellen away from this before the police arrived. God knows what she would reveal in her current state.

“Listen to me. No one can know the real reason he was here tonight. I've called the police. I'll explain he was here to discuss a settlement on the case and the stress of impending defeat tipped him over the edge. Go home, you don't need to be mixed up in this. Let me take care of it.”

“I can't. It's all over with David. I don't want to go back there tonight.”

Patty pressed her apartment keys into Ellen's hand.

“Go to mine, Phil's away, Michael is staying with a school friend. We can talk when I get back. Go now, you can't be seen here.”

Ellen exited the building and made her way to Patty’s apartment. She needed to get her head on straight and think. Once she calmed down, she needed to talk to David.  
By the time Patty returned Ellen had herself under control. It was late, gone midnight when they sat on Patty’s couch with a glass of bourbon and a lot to discuss.

“Do you regret what we did?” 

Ellen ventured quietly and Patty found herself at a loss for an answer. Regrets were pointless. They served no purpose and it didn't matter now. What mattered now was damage control and finding a way to keep the guilt ridden young woman alongside her to maintain her silence. 

“I need to get away for a couple of days. I'm going to the beach house, I don't want to deal with the press once they get hold of this.”

Ellen nodded dumbly then looked up startled when Patty rose from the couch.

“You're going right now?”

“Yes, you're welcome to stay here, no one will be home until after the weekend. Talk to David, things will work themselves out.” 

Patty headed for the stairs to pack and half an hour later she was ready to go. She put a gentle hand on Ellen's shoulder.

“Ellen, everything will be alright.” She whispered reassuringly, and then she was gone.

Pete opened the door to his niece at almost two in the morning. He listened as Patty haltingly told him of the events that had unfolded.  
As always Patty’s welfare was his primary concern. The girl had to be silenced, she knew too much, she was a threat and she had to go. Patty was horror struck, she refused to countenance it. They argued furiously.

“She is not your little girl Patty, she's a loose end, she could finish you if she talked.”

“I know who she is, she's young, ambitious. She won't talk, this would finish her. Her career would be over before it even started.”

“How do you know she isn't spilling the beans to her fiancé right now?”

“Because she's called it off, she's staying at my apartment. I'm going out to the beach house.”

“I knew she was trouble the minute I laid eyes on her. She's a distraction to you. Everything you built is at risk over a girl who has been in the ground for forty years.”

“Leave it alone and leave her alone. I need to get away. I'll stay off the grid for a few days, let the dust settle.”

Patty left, she did not go to the beach house, on a whim she drove long and lonely miles to Chicago, somewhere she hadn't been since she was a girl. She made her way to the cemetery, stood over the grave stone of her childhood friend and wept. She drove the short distance to the house where Ellen once lived and sat in her car feeling numb and detached. There was a faint knock on the window, Patty looked up into the cloudy brown eyes of Julia Perkins. For a moment she thought she was dreaming.

“Julia?” She uttered incredulously. It had never even crossed her mind that Julia was still living there. 

“Patty Hewes. Are you going to sit there all day or are you coming inside? I knew I would see you again one day. Do you still drink tea? You were the only girl I ever knew that drank tea. Come on in, you haven't driven all the way out here for nothing.”

Patty got out of the car, she had no idea what she was doing anymore. The elderly woman walked slowly into the house, Patty followed her silently. She was surprised to find the interior modern and bright, not at all the gloomy mausoleum she remembered from that awful time at Ellen's funeral. The elderly woman made tea, they sat at the breakfast nook to drink it. Julia Perkins was in her mid eighties, her husband had died almost fifteen years earlier, their marriage had never recovered from the loss of their only child but limped on in resentful silence until he died from a massive coronary. She congratulated Patty on her success and told her she had followed her career with interest since that first victory that put her on the map. She waved at an open lap top that sat on the small dining table and explained it was her lifeline. She asked about Patty’s son and admired the one photograph Patty kept in her wallet. It was a couple of years old. His hair was too long but his smile was genuine and his eyes were bright.

“What a handsome boy.”

Patty rolled her eyes.

“He has no idea what he wants out of life. I pray to god he figures it out soon.”

“That was never a problem for you.” 

Julia smiled at the memory of young Patty’s detailed, lengthy plans and her unwavering belief in achieving them. 

“Enough with the pleasantries Patty, What brings you here after all these years?”

“Work.” Patty lied blithely. “I’ve never set foot in Chicago since... Since Ellen. But I couldn't leave without seeing her, it stirred up some memories. I really didn't think you would still be in the same house. I’m sorry, I should have made an effort to stay in contact. You were so good to me when I was a child. I've never forgotten it. I've never forgotten her.”

“She adored you. Patty, Patty, Patty all day long. Right from that first day on the school bus. I can see you together now, walking through the fields, sat holding hands in the diner, huddled together on the bed with a book under your noses.” 

The older woman fell silent for a moment lost in the memories.

“I didn't mean to upset you.”

“Nonsense. I'm not upset, I'm so glad you got where you wanted to go. She would have been so proud of you. Oh now, I've made you cry. It's good to talk to someone who really knew her, we were only here a short time before...”

Patty wiped away stray tears and drained her cup. She refused the offer of something to eat. She felt uncomfortable and ashamed that this fine woman was proud of her and believed Ellen would feel the same way. Patty smiled weakly and took the woman's hand.

“Thank you for everything you did for me, for showing me what a family could be. Thank you for Ellen. Every happy memory I have as a girl includes the two of you. For a long time, I used to talk to her, tell her my plans, my achievements....”

“I do the same, most every day, even now. But I've never felt her presence here after she died. She hated it here, she was so angry and resentful we took her away from you. That's why I'm so happy to see you. You carry my girl in your heart and I see her in your eyes. Would you like to see some photographs?”

“Yes I would.”

They spent the next half hour looking through old snapshots of Ellen first as a baby and then as the child Patty remembered so well. A few of the later ones featured the two girls together and they made the blonds heart ache. They were just kids, so full of love, even now it shone from the page. 

“My god we were so young.” 

Patty pointed to one black and white photo showing the girls sharing an ice cream in the garden. They were perhaps eight or nine, two little girls with a whole life ahead of them. The final one that caught Patty’s eye was one of the last ones taken before the family left for Chicago. Ellen looked sulkily at the camera while a fifteen year old Patty had an arm around her friends waist and a fierce look of determination in her eyes.

“I remember that day. It was September, we had been shopping and she was upset there were no boots in the store yet. I told her there were lots of stores in Chicago and she would be able to wear the latest fashions straight away. She said she didn’t care and she was angry because I laughed at that, she loved her clothes and shoes, especially the shoes.”

Julia smiled sadly. 

“All she talked about was when she was old enough to go to college. She wanted to be a teacher and get an apartment in the city with you. She held onto those dreams till the day she died.”

“So did I Julia, for a long time afterwards I was so lost, I didn't know what to do. I got pregnant at seventeen and I lost the baby. A stillborn girl. I named her after you, she never took a breath. I haven't talked about this in years...”

“Patty don't upset yourself. You've made the life you wanted, I always knew you would. I never met a child so determined, you were such a worldly little thing. Always reading and planning, you couldn't wait to grow up.”

“I'm glad I came. Glad I got to see you again. I've never felt.. I've never loved anyone the way I loved Ellen. I hope you don't mind hearing that.”

“Why would I mind. I always knew.”

They said their goodbyes. Julia insisted Patty take some of the photographs. Patty wanted to talk about Ellen, the Ellen that had roared back into her life and set her off on this odyssey but she held her tongue. Ellen Parsons was her own private reminder of what wasn't to be. A chance combination of looks and gestures designed to throw her off. All that was left of her Ellen was the few photographs and the memories she shared with the elderly woman in front of her. It was time to go, to return to the city and get on with her life. Ellen Parsons had her own destiny to fulfil, she had no part of it. 

Patty began the long journey home. When she made an overnight stop she turned her cell back on for the first time in two days. It was filled with increasingly frantic calls and messages from Tom and uncle Pete. Patty listened with growing alarm and cold terror seeped into her guts. Pete had defied her, an attempt on Ellen’s life had failed, Ellen's fiancé was dead and the girl had been arrested for murder. While she was chasing ghosts in Chicago, the world had gone mad in New York. She dialled Tom’s number with a shaking hand and listened with disbelief to the shocking events that had unfolded in her absence. Everything had gone to hell and Ellen believed it was Patty behind her attempted murder. She was in shock, paranoid and devastated at the loss of her fiancé. She was dangerous, she could bring it all tumbling down. Patty drove directly to the office where Tom brought her up to speed. Pete could not look at her. Fury at being defied blazed in her eyes, the thought of the girl being lost to her was more than she could stand. Her uncle slipped into her office.

“I've got to get to the station and get Ellen out. How dare you go ahead when I specifically told you not to do this. Now what? She's sat in there making god knows what accusations. I wash my hands of you Pete. I'll do what I can but none of this will end up at my door, you're on your own.”

Pete sidled away, he was certain Patty would find a way out of this mess. There was nobody better at covering the tracks. She wouldn't turn her back on him after a lifetime of devotion. Patty arrived at the courthouse in full battle mode. Ellen looked at her like she was the devil incarnate.

“Get me out of here.” she snapped. 

Her eyes were flat and dull with pain. Grief washed off her in waves, a grief familiar to Patty. Grief of lost dreams, coupled with incomprehension, disbelief and guilt. Ellen was bailed, the blond set about muddying the waters and planting seeds of doubt. Of course she admitted nothing but her sorrow for David's death. Ellen believed Frobisher’s heavies had killed David while searching for the evidence Gregory Molina had left with them. Patty swore she had no idea who had attacked Ellen, perhaps it was the same men who had killed David. Perhaps they had gone to the apartment looking for Patty. Ellen's flat stare never wavered, Patty felt a chill run down her spine. This would always be between them now. There would be no letting go.


	3. Look Out For Me

The next few months were the worse of Patty’s career and the worse of her life. Ellen stumbled upon the fact that Phil was having an affair. This was nothing new but indiscretion was. She spitefully presented the evidence to Patty and after twelve years of mutual support and a more or less stable relationship they acrimoniously separated. Pete was ’retired’ from the firm. Angry words and accusations were levied, yes she owed him but he had gone too far, she should have reined him in years ago. Over time he had been on the fringes of the criminal fraternity and though that had proved more than useful in the past it had given him an overblown sense of his importance. Patty would never countenance what he had done and she made it abundantly clear. The stress of it all brought on a heart attack and her uncle, her unswerving pillar of support almost all her life was gone. The firm was under investigation by the FBI, they had to have someone on the inside, at first Patty believed they had got to Pete before he died. She discounted Tom, he was as loyal as a dog, so that left Ellen. The charges against her had been dropped when they were able to prove at the time of his murder she was herself being attacked at Patty’s apartment. Ellen had returned to work lured by the promise of an investigation into David's death but her eyes were full of suspicion and resentment. Grief was making her ill. Her weight had plummeted, her behaviour was unpredictable, she was drinking to excess. She was a ripe pick for the FBI. It had to be Ellen. They played cat and mouse for months, working a case and tip toeing around each other. The further the investigation progressed the more anxious Ellen became. Something was off, they were getting nowhere, Patty was always one step ahead. The FBI officers conducting the case were as corrupt as the woman they were investigating. Ellen had a plan, she was wired, she had to get Patty to admit her involvement in the attack, she still believed Patty was lying. She lured the blond to the hotel room she had been living in since David died. She drank herself into a near stupor and waited with a gun in her purse and hatred in her heart. Patty took the elevator up to the floor her heart pounding. They had to settle this, she had to make the girl understand without giving everything away. In her distracted state the blond did not realise she had been followed until her assailant stepped into the elevator and plunged a knife into her side. The pain was immediate and intense, she had to get to Ellen, Ellen would save her. Patty entered the room in a haze of agony. She slumped onto a chair and barely heard the litany of accusations the young woman levelled at her. They were supposed to be arranging bribing a judge. A move Patty knew the FBI had to be behind. Ellen was supposed to make the drop and she would be the one taking the fall. Patty had come to tell her she knew about the investigation and Ellen was being set up. The blonds head spun, the pain and blood loss were draining the life out of her. When the gun appeared she thought she had begun to hallucinate. Then Ellen held up a hand written note.

“The FBI are listening.”

Ellen had worked it out, she always was smarter than Patty gave her credit for. A smile of relief formed only for it to freeze in place when the young woman began to press her about the attack. The blond was on the point of passing out, she was becoming incoherent. Tears of pain and frustration at her inability to make Ellen understand fell from her eyes. When the gun went off, shattering the dressing table mirror Patty had no idea where she was. Blindly she got to her feet and almost crawled down the corridor to the elevator. The doors closed and darkness enveloped her.

Patty lay in a hospital bed hovering in and out of consciousness. Ellen Parsons had been at her side for hours. Holding her hand, trying to make sense of the rambling sentences that tumbled from the blonds mouth every so often. She had suffered a collapsed lung due to the knife wound, the surgeons had patched her up and she was expected to make a full recovery. Ellen did not know why she felt so drawn to be by the woman's side. Perhaps because there was no one else, Michael had left home to live with a woman nearer Ellen's age than his own. Ellen sat and watched over this conundrum of a human being and had no idea what she felt. Finding out the FBI investigation was a sham brought on by the hugely powerful energy company they were building a case against had left her more isolated than ever. They were never interested in helping her, it was all about Patty and shutting down her case. Ellen didn't know who or what to believe anymore. 

In her hospital bed Patty was dreaming, she was with her girl, sat under ’their’ shady tree in the heat of summer. Ellen had grown bored of reading and began to distract her friend by kissing her. Patty tossed the book aside and kissed back enthusiastically. The young blond may have had the more dominant personality but Ellen was always the bolder of the two when it came to expressing their affection. It was Ellen who instigated their first kiss, Ellen who had experimentally slipped her tongue into a shocked Patty’s mouth a few weeks later and Ellen who’s hand was currently inching its way under Patty’s shirt making the blond squirm as the younger girls fingers tickled sensitive heated skin. Patty sat up abruptly.

“I think we should stop.” she gasped out, her face was flushed with the heat that roared through her body, she was tingling all over and felt lightheaded.

“Don't you like it?”

“No, yes. I don't know. It's too hot out here.” she finished lamely.

“Am I making you swoon?” Ellen smiled shyly and Patty rolled her eyes.

“Have you been reading your momma’s romance novels again?”

Ellen giggled and lay back in the shrubby grass.

“When we're kissing I feel like I'm melting inside or sometimes it's like I'm flying. I just wanted to know what it would feel like if we touched each other.”

“We can't. Not yet, we don't know how anyway..” Patty sounded doubtful and uncharacteristically nervous.

Ellen pouted prettily and Patty drew her down onto her chest.

“There's no rush Ellen. We have all the time in the world.”

Patty stirred from her dreams and murmured in her fitful sleep, she tightened her grip on Ellen's hand and told her she loved her.

“Patty who do you think I am?” 

“Don’t be silly. You're my girl. You've always been my girl.”

The blond drifted off again to the familiar surroundings of the Perkins’ home. They were wrapped up on the big comfortable sofa leafing through a magazine. Ellen devoured the pictures of the Hollywood stars in their finery. Patty liked to read about how much money they made.

“Do you like her?” Ellen gushed over a studio shot of Audrey Hepburn. 

“She always looks so elegant and pretty. Her clothes are lovely.”

Patty hummed in mild agreement.  
“That's how you're going to look when you're a little older.” 

The blond then took off on one of her flights of fancy that Ellen loved to hear. How they would live, the places they would visit, how they would always be together. Her blue eyes shone as she warmed to her theme. They interspersed their chatter with lingering kisses. Patty stroked Ellen’s back underneath her smart short sleeved white shirt. The girl wriggled closer in her arms, Patty sprawled over her and their movements dislodged the buttons on the thin cotton garment. Patty looked down at her girls barely necessary pale pink bra. Julia had took both girls into town when they were thirteen and purchased them pretty undergarments. Patty had blushed, muttered and protested but Ellen was thrilled. She was as skinny as a washboard and her underdeveloped breasts were a constant cause for concern, having a bra made her feel grown up and feminine. Patty complained it was awkward and made her feel like a trussed up chicken. Julia had taken them home and then had an excruciating talk with them about puberty, menustration and the dangers of adolescent boys. Patty had squirmed in embarrassment while Ellen clung on to every word in wide eyed wonder. Over a year later and Ellen's breasts had not made much progress, but the unrestricted sight of them caused Patty to sigh softly. She dropped her head and kissed down the smattering of freckles on Ellen's throat, dark spots against stark white skin. Her soft kisses continued along the other girls chest. The only sound was the gentle smacking of lips on skin and increasingly laboured breathing. Patty’s hand seemed to move of its own volition. She traced the outline of the undergarment and slowly pushed it upwards baring a small soft mound. Her fingers closed around it and Ellen made a kittenish whimpering noise that turned Patty’s insides into water. Cautiously she stroked over the flesh watching in fascination as the nipple went hard and tight like a pebble in her palm. She pinched it gently between her fingers and felt the young body beneath her go rigid.

“Did I hurt you? I'm sorry, I told you we shouldn't do this.” 

Patty was immediately concerned and shame coloured her tone.

“It's not wrong.” 

Ellen grasped the blonds hand covering her breast before Patty had chance to remove it. Ellen stroked the back of her hand encouraging her to continue. Patty was in a daze, she felt hot all over, her clothes felt too tight, her mouth was dry. She licked her lips, she felt Ellen's hand tangle into her hair urging her head down. Barely she rubbed her lips across the areole, tracing around the nipple with her tongue before kissing it, testing the texture. She moaned in her throat, Ellen whined and shuddered.

“Stop, stop.” The slam of a car door rung in Ellen's ears, Patty had not heard a thing.

Patty tore herself away and almost fell off the couch. They scooted to opposite ends and Ellen frantically adjusted her clothes while Patty tried desperately to shake the cloud of newly discovered want and desire that had overtaken her brain. The clip of Julia’s heels as she entered the hallway sounded like gunshots in Patty’s mind. She whispered frantically at Ellen.

“Straighten your hair, it looks like....”

“Girls would you like some...” 

Mrs Perkins trailed off and narrowed her eyes at the two girls who were further apart than she had ever seen them, high spots of colour were visible on Patty’s pale cheeks. They looked guilty of something.

“Is something wrong?”

“No mama” Ellen said as her friend fidgeted under the adults appraising stare. “Patty was teasing me about being flat chested, we were fighting about it.”

Julia's laugh rang out as Patty’s cheeks went from pink to purple in mortification.

“For heavens sake not this again, I'm not surprised you're fighting. I'm sure Patty’s heard quite enough about your breasts, I know I have. Be thankful, the bigger they are the quicker gravity takes hold when you're my age. Besides you're still a child, don't wish your life away. Now make up with Patty and come and help me in the kitchen. You should stop reading those silly magazines and be more concerned with your studies.”

Julia walked away smiling, the girls were young women now, Ellen’s head was full of romantic notions and ridiculous ideas. Thank god for Patty and her scholarly ambition. Ellen smirked over at her friend.

“Part truth is more believable than outright lies, that's what you always tell me.” The girl jumped up and kissed Patty lightly on the lips.

“I love you.” 

She whispered before running to help her mother put away the shopping. Two weeks later they got the news about the move to Chicago and the impending separation was all Ellen could think about. Their precious time alone together was spent reassuring each other that their feelings would not change and making plans for when they would be reunited. 

Patty opened her eyes in her narrow hospital bed, she blinked several times trying to concentrate and clear her mind of the vivid dreams of her childhood friend. Ellen’s concerned face swum in and out of focus in front of her. She felt a squeeze of her fingers. Ellen was holding her hand just the way her girl used to. Clinging on, their fingers interlocked, her other hand holding on too. 

“Your breasts never did get much bigger.” Patty rasped out oblivious to Ellen’s gaping mouth and wide eyes.

“Patty wake up, your dreaming. Should I call a nurse?”

“Am I dead? Are we the same age again? You don't look fourteen anymore. You’re not as old as I am, how's that going to work?” 

Patty began to get agitated, her eyes were cloudy with pain, she tried to sit up and Ellen pressed the call button in alarm. A nurse duly arrived adjusted the pain meds dosage on Patty’a IV bags and managed to settle her back into drowsy restlessness. 

“She could be like this for several hours yet, perhaps you should go and get some rest.”

“I'm staying.” 

It was not up for debate, there was no one else and Ellen felt her share of guilty responsibility. They had pushed each other to the brink over the past five months, the strain if it all had made her ill. Now Patty lay severely injured in a hospital bed. She never wanted that, she wanted answers and once she had them she would be out of Patty’s life for good. She picked up the blonds hand once more, it was cool and smooth in her own, unconsciously she rubbed the back of it with her thumb and watched Patty sleep. 

The weekend before The Perkins family were due to move to Chicago the girls lay on the bed in Ellen's room. The younger girl had grown increasingly upset and distraught as the date approached. She lay quietly now, her head on Patty’s chest, safe in her arms. Patty had retreated into herself, she had been quieter, more withdrawn, her jaw was tensely set and her eyes were hard and distant. They were taking her girl away, the only person who really knew her, understood her and brought out a softer gentler side of her. It was so unfair being subject to the whims and wants of others. Nobody cared what they wanted, they just had to accept it.

“I'm going to miss this so much, I can't stand it...” Ellen whined piteously.

“Don't talk about it anymore, think about the future.”

Ellen was not in the mood to be placated.

“You don't care as much as I do.” she sniffled accusingly.

“You know that's not true. Its going to happen no matter how much you complain about it.” 

Patty’s tone was cold and flat, her heart ached in her chest with anger and injustice. Ellen sat up, her eyes full of tears and sadness. Patty pulled her back down still seething.

“Don't you ever say that again. Everything I do, every single thing, every grade I get, every book I read, all the planning, it's all for you, for us. So we can have the life we want, make our own decisions, be successful, have enough money to answer to no one. You are my girl, mine. Distance won't change that, nothing will change it.”

Patty had rolled them so she lay over Ellen staring into her eyes. Her voice was a harsh whisper but her fingers were gentle as she wiped the tears from the younger girls cheeks. Her blue eyes now blazed with love and intensity.

“Kiss me, kiss me properly. You haven't kissed me properly for days.” Ellen whispered from underneath her.

Patty’s lips crashed down, the kiss was desperate, breathtaking and quickly spiralled out of control. For once the blond girl did not give a thought to Julia sat watching the television alone downstairs. It was just Ellen and kissing like she was pouring her love and devotion into her. Patty’s jeans clad lower body was wedged between Ellen's legs, the younger girls fashionably flared skirt allowing them to be pressed tightly together. They were well practised in the art of kissing each other senseless. It drove Patty to distraction when Ellen sucked and nibbled on her lower lip. Patty could make her girl gasp and tremble by rubbing her tongue lightly along the outside of Ellen's. The younger girl had her hands clamped on Patty’s backside pulling her closer. The blond rolled her hips down, she breathed hotly in Ellen's ear, moaning and kissing her neck. She sucked and bit on the tender flesh hard enough to mark, continuing to shift herself into the centre of her girlfriend. She pushed Ellen's pale blue sweater out of the way and for once did not hesitate or allow her good sense to get in the way. She unclasped the bra fastening impatiently and brushed her knuckles across the nipple before closing her hand around the soft swell of breast. 

“Sshhh” Patty whispered urgently as Ellen's moans and whimpers increased in volume. Patty had read about how a woman's body responds to sexual touching, she had read about arousal and women achieving climax. A furtive couple of hours spent scanning the text of a sex manual she had found in the dusty recesses of the town bookstore and had not dared to purchase had not prepared her for how the feeling scorched through your body until your mind could not focus on anything except relieving that build up of tension. She felt like an animal in heat rubbing against Ellen and groaning as they rocked in tandem. Patty’s brain fought a battle with her upbringing. She wanted to put her hand between Ellen's legs, she wanted to know what it felt like for her fingers to explore her girls most intimate place. Then Julia's voice echoed in her fevered brain, her warnings about the desires of young boys, how they would take advantage of them and how easy it was to get carried away before they were old enough to deal with the consequences. Patty could feel wetness between her own legs, the seam of her jeans was rubbing against her swollen flesh, it felt like an exquisite form of torture. They had to stop this, but Ellen's grip on her was like a stranglehold, her nipple was taut between her fingers and she was chanting Patty’s name hypnotically. Ellen wrapped one leg around the blonds slender hip, she had her eyes screwed tightly shut and her brow was furrowed as if in pain. Patty rolled downwards once more and the younger girl reared up urgently locking them together. Her eyes flew wide open and her top half lifted as she buried her head in the blonds neck. She let out a keening whining moan that made Patty freeze in place. The girls body trembled and shuddered underneath her before she fell back to the bed gasping for breath.

“Ellen” Patty hissed. “What happened are you alright?”

Suddenly Patty’s ears were straining in case Julia had heard, she could be climbing the stairs right now. 

“Oh my god.” Ellen exhaled shakily.

“Jesus be quiet, your momma’s right downstairs.”

“I thought my heart was going to stop. It was so scary, it's still pounding.” 

She took Patty’s hand and went to place it on her breast to feel but the blond snatched it away quickly.

“What's wrong?” 

Ellen knew the signs of shame settling around her girlfriends body. Patty couldn't look her in the eye, she had sat up, her shoulders were hunched, her face flamed red with embarrassment. Ellen quickly straightened her clothes, covering herself before sitting up close to the blond.

“Patty it's alright. It felt wonderful, like I was going to burn right up and then it was like I was falling or something. I could feel my pulse all through my body. I'm so wet, you know there...”

“We should have stopped, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It should be a special thing you know the first time. Not rolling around like animals.”

“Don't say that. Don’t. Why are you sorry, why are you acting like we did something wrong.”

“It was wrong, your momma would go crazy if she knew.”

“Momma won't know.” Ellen was becoming upset. “We didn't have sex, girls can't have sex together properly.”

“Are you stupid? What do you think that was?”

“But you didn't, you know touch me there or...”

“Ellen.” 

Patty breathed out impatiently, trying to get herself under control. 

“Just because neither one of us has a penis doesn't mean we can't have sex. You just had an orgasm, that's what happens when your body gets so aroused, it releases like that. I read it in a book.” she trailed off looking at the floor.

“It should be a special moment, not some stupid accident because we got carried away. Your momma warned us about stuff like that.”

“Stop talking about my momma, and stop saying its stupid.” Ellen spat petulantly, suddenly sounding like the child she was, that they both were.

“Do you think I'm dirty now, don't you want to be with me anymore?” 

Patty put her arm around the girls shoulder.

“Of course I want to be with you. It was my fault, I know more, I should have stopped. I'm upset with myself not angry with you.”

Ellen began to cry, overwrought and confused with her feelings and her friends attitude. Patty looked and sounded disgusted with them both, as of she wanted to distance herself from the whole experience.

“Don't cry, I should go home....”

“No, don't leave. Just lay back down with me for a while. Don't run off like we've done something awful and you can't wait to get away. We can kiss some more, I know you were feeling what I was feeling, I want you to...”

“No” Patty said sharply and stood up. 

“We can't lay like that again until we're together properly in the city. Until we're older and I can be with you every night.”

“That's years away.” Ellen complained aghast.

“I can wait. Can’t you? That is what you want isn't it? Or will you go with the first boy that pays you some attention in Chicago?”

“That's a horrible thing to say. Is that what you think of me now, because I lay with you I'll lay with just anyone? It's only you I think about when I lay here in the night, only you I kiss, only you I want to be with. I wouldn't let anyone else near me except you. Go home, run away. You think you're so grown up but if you don't know that, you don’t know anything.”

Ellen threw herself back down onto the bed crying softly. Patty immediately knelt by her bedside gathering her up, pinning Ellen's flailing arms down.

“I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean it. I'm scared. I'm scared of what we just did, I'm scared of how deeply I love you. I'm scared of losing you when you go away, scared of the things your going to see in Chicago and maybe you'll realise you don't really want some poor ugly girl with a big mouth and a bad temper. You could have anyone, you're so pretty and sweet. A doctors daughter from a good family with plenty of money. Everyone is going to want you.”

“But I love you. I've loved you since I looked into your beautiful blue eyes that first day on the school bus. I don't care where you come from, or that you have no money, I never have. We're going to be together in the city just like we always said. Tell me again, tell me my favourite thing.”

Patty smiled and kissed Ellen's hair before pressing there foreheads together until Ellen calmed down. They stared into each others eyes.

“Ellen Perkins, you’re the only one, in this world full of people, you're the only one I truly love.”

Patty’s eyes snapped open in the hospital bed, the words were echoing in her mind as if they had just left her lips. 

“Ellen” she exhaled the words on a weak breath.

“Right here Patty, how are you feeling? Should I call a doctor?”

“A doctor? What happened?”

“You were stabbed in the elevator in my hotel. You had a collapsed lung, the surgeons patched you up, you're going to be fine.”

Patty lay quietly as the memories returned to her. The sharp pain, listening with horror as Ellen begged for the truth, her eyes wild and a gun shaking in her hand. The deafening sound of the shot in the small room, the smell of cordite and fear. All the memories like waves threatening to drown her in their power.

“I didn't know. That's the truth, the only truth that matters.”

“Calm down, you've been hurt. I never wanted that, everything just spiralled out of control.”

Ellen hit the button and left the room for a while when the doctor appeared. She wandered the corridor and sat staring out of a window over the parking lot for a long time. She wondered if she should go home, Patty wasn't in any danger. She wondered what she was doing here at all. She did go home, she drank herself into a fitful sleep and found herself back at the hospital before nine the next morning. Patty was sat up in bed looking almost like her usual self. Impatient and bad tempered. If it wasn't for the standard issue hospital gown she could be behind her desk. 

“Wow, someone's looking a lot better. How are you feeling?”

“Like I've been stabbed in the lung.” the blond replied acidly, she softened the words with a slight quirk of the lips. Not quite a smile of welcome but Ellen decided to take it.

“What do the doctors say?”

“They're refusing to discharge me, it's ridiculous. I can lay down at home as easily as I'm doing it here. If they don't clear me tomorrow I'm discharging myself.”

“See how it goes.. Don't do anything rash. A collapsed lung is a big deal.”

“They've patched me up. I'm good to go as long as I don't fly or go scuba diving.” Patty rolled her eyes in exasperation. 

“Well I'm glad your feeling better.”

“What's happening with UNR?”

Ellen looked away.

“The whole thing is under investigation. Kendrick, the energy commission, even the judge. It will take months to unravel. He's finished however it turns out.”

“And the FBI?”

“The whole thing was a set up controlled by Dave Pell, I was so angry at you I bought it. I was an easy target.”

“And now? Why are you here?”

“I don't know. I feel responsible I guess, guilty.”

Patty shook her head, she looked tired already, tense and in pain.

“Will you do something for me? When I get out of here, come and see me at the apartment. I want to explain some things to you. Leave it a couple of weeks until I'm stronger.. Will you do that?”

“Sure, I can do that. I better get going. You're going to be ok?”

“Yes, go on. Get out of here.” 

The words lacked any sting or bite. Ellen smiled and squeezed Patty’s hand before she stood up to leave.

“Thank you, for being here.” the blond murmured softly.

“No problem. I'll see you soon. No scuba diving.”

“No scuba diving.” Patty repeated, her eyes already closing.

 

Almost a month went by before Ellen arranged to call. She had to get herself together as well as give Patty time to heal. She took some time off, cut back on the alcohol, visited her family and slept and slept some more. She was offered a job at the DA’s office and she took it. She had to get back to basics, get out of the firing line for a while, get out of the shadow of Patty Hewes. She started in a couple of weeks, whatever Patty wanted to say it was the ideal time to hear it, draw a line underneath it and get on with her life. Patty had healed well, a small angry looking scar marred her left side, it would fade in time. The madness that had infected her mind since the Frobisher case seemed to be fading as well. She felt an inner peace that had eluded her for years. She had gone back to work but was letting Tom hold the reins for a while as she gathered her strength and returned to fitness. Her exercise regime was serving her well, she felt younger, more energised, sharper. She decided she should get out from behind her desk more often.   
Patty felt a mild anxiety all day, Ellen had said she would call around seven. She was bringing take out, she sounded positive and upbeat on the phone. Patty dithered for hours. They were both improving, why rake everything back up, perhaps it would be better to leave things alone. To confess her knowledge of Pete’s involvement in her attack but let the echoes of her childhood fade into the distance once more. As soon as she opened the door and set eyes on the young woman again it was settled, she would tell her the whole story. The whole truth would be what it took to make her believe. It was time she told someone, who better.  
After an initial half hour of stilted conversation and polite inquires about each others health, they settled down to eat. Patty was staying off the booze as well, they drank water with sheepish smiles and enjoyed a light meal of aromatic Thai dishes. The anxiety returned to Patty’s body, she held herself tensely, before she caved in and opened a bottle of red wine. Ellen picked up on the change in atmosphere and warily accepted a glass. They both sighed when the expensive silky liquid slipped down their throats. Patty stalled and put on some background music to fill the loaded silence, she went to the cabinet and picked up a brown envelope before sitting down in her favourite corner of the couch and tucking her legs up, she winced at the slight pull on the still healing scar tissue of the wound.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, just a twinge, I forget about it. Come over here and sit by me, you want answers, you want the truth, I have to start from the beginning, it's a long story.”

Ellen eyed her a little cautiously but eased off her shoes and padded over to sit as close as she ever had to the woman who had occupied her mind incessantly since the day of her sisters wedding. Patty took a small sheaf of photographs from an envelope and looked through them slowly. A sad smile graced her lips, she was already falling backwards through time. That wouldn't do, she turned to the younger woman and held out the pictures. 

“It was never about you...” Patty began haltingly.

“I know, it was about Katie. Her connection to Frobisher was the only reason you gave me a job.”

“Ellen” 

The blond exhaled her name in a long stream. Anxiety already had her limited patience stretched thin. 

“If you want to hear this, then let me get it out. It's high time I told somebody, I denied her all these years. She deserves to hear it as much as you do”

“Who does, what are you talking about?”

“Her.” Patty said handing over the photographs.

“I'm talking about her. She's the girl I fell in love with when I was just eight years old. Whenever I’ve thought of her since, I've always passed it off as a silly childhood crush, one of those obsessive things, puppy love. I was fifteen when she went away. I should have grown up and got over it but I don't believe I ever did, not really. She was the one. I know how ridiculous this must sound to you but she was the only one for me. In this whole world full of people, she was the only one I truly loved.” 

Patty laughed ruefully. “She adored hearing me say that, it made her light up like Times Square.”

Ellen looked at her with narrowed eyes and her mouth gaping open. The thought flashed through her brain that Patty had either been drinking before she arrived or she was suffering some sort of episode, a mild mental disturbance. Then her gaze travelled down to the first photograph and all her breath came out in a rush.

“Oh my god.” 

At first her eyes were drawn to the white blond hair and unmistakable eyes of a scruffy, skinny and very young Patty Hewes, then her gaze was riveted to the brown haired child who stared across at the blond with open adoration as they shared an ice cream at a picnic table in someone's garden. The girl wore a pretty sundress, Patty was in tattered dungarees and a shirt. They couldn't have been more than eight or nine years old.

“That could be me. I have pictures of myself at that age, the likeness is uncanny.”

She continued to sort through the small pile shaking her head in amazement, until she came to the one that Patty had in her small box of memories since her Ellen had passed away. The one taken in the same garden some years later. The girls arms were wrapped tightly and possessively around other, their shared look was one of complete happiness. There was no mistaking the bond that shone out of the picture. The dark haired girl had her neck tucked into Patty’s shoulder looking up at her while Patty gazed down, her expression a mixture of pride and affection.

“I remember the first day I saw her. She got on the school bus, marched right up and asked to sit by me. I was going to tell her to get lost, I was a solitary child, happy that way, but she was different, she was a cut above anything I'd ever seen before with her pretty dresses and fancy shoes. She even smelt different. That was the start of it. Pretty soon we were inseparable. My mother died just a year later and her family more or less took me in. That's when Uncle Pete arrived, he looked out for me, kept my father away from me and encouraged me to study hard and follow my dreams. I had a lot to thank Pete for. I told you about my father, he was a drunk and a bully. It would not have been a big leap for the physical abuse he heaped on me to spill over into sexual assault. Pete put a stop to that, he worked from dawn to dusk on the land to provide me with the bare necessities. Everything else came from the Perkins family.

“Perkins?”

“Yes”

“Don't tell me, her first name was Ellen right?”

“That’s right, she went by Ellen. Her full title was Eleanor Frances Perkins. She was everything to me. By the time we were teenagers we decided that we didn't want anyone else but each other. Of course we couldn't tell anybody back then. So we made plans, when we were old enough we were going to go to college together, she was a bright girl, she wanted to be a teacher. I had my sights set on a career from a young age and once we had qualified we would get an apartment in the city and live happily ever after. We could spend hours talking about it.”

Ellen was transfixed by the story and the note of longing in her former employers voice. Patty’s eyes were glazed with unshed tears and memories.

“You said you was fifteen when she went away, what happened?”

“Her father was a doctor, he inherited some money and they moved to Chicago. Ellen was beside herself, she begged to stay, she begged her mother to take me with them. Neither was possible, her father had made the decision and that was that. My girl had gone.”

“But didn't you keep in touch, did she move on, grow out of it?”

“We wrote. Would you believe I still have every letter she sent me. On Sundays I would call her from the pay phone in town and tell her to stay strong, to remember our plans and we would be together soon. I was going to visit in the christmas holidays. At the beginning of December she got hit by a car running out of school. She died a few hours later.”

A lone tear rolled down Patty’s cheek, she had never talked about this out loud with anyone apart from Julia. Not even Pete had been privy to the true nature of her relationship with Ellen. If he had guessed he had never spoke of it.

“Oh Jesus Patty, I'm sorry. You must have been heartbroken.”

“I was, I went completely off the rails. My grades fell apart, I couldn't see the point without Ellen and then I got pregnant at seventeen and god that certainly focused my mind. I had no intention of being stuck out there with a fatherless child and no prospects. When I miscarried my overwhelming feeling was relief. I know that sounds hard but I had nothing to offer a child, she would have grown up stigmatised and in poverty. It was for the best.” 

Patty’s hand shook as she picked up her glass and took a long swallow. She wiped her eyes and carried on.

“I got back on the right track, found a decent young man in college who helped me through law school and then I dumped him when I passed the bar. Over time I built my reputation, it wasn't easy, women attorneys were still a rarity in the seventies. I had to put up with more crap than you would ever believe. I made a lot of coffee and took a lot of notes before anyone took me seriously or believed I was capable of more.”

“So there were no other women?”

“I decided it was just Ellen that I loved, not a particular preference for women. There were a couple of others when I was still young but it wasn't the same. I had to be careful, as I said it was a different world then. My career would have been finished before it got started. But it didn't matter if they were male or female I never felt so deeply about anyone again. So eventually I did what everyone else does, I settled. I had my son, married Phil and she became part of the past. A past I've worked very hard to overcome. I have no idea if my father is still alive. I've never set foot in that town since I left for college, I never will.”

“My god. No wonder you lost it when I turned up. You must have thought you'd s.....”

“Seen a ghost? Yes.”

“Sorry that was uncalled for. I'm not trying to make light of it. I must have stirred up a lot of painful memories for you.”

“When I first saw you it was like a punch in the stomach. The resemblance is quite astonishing, my legs literally gave out from underneath me. Don't misunderstand me. I know you're not my Ellen, of course I know that. I never believed you were really her. I know who you are. But you appearing at that time, during the Frobisher case. It was the biggest case of my life. I knew winning that case would cement my career. It would give me the absolute freedom to pick and choose, to channel my resources exactly where they were needed. It would allow me to set up the charitable foundation I had been dreaming of for a long time. I needed you, your link to Katie was what eventually broke the case but you became a distraction to me. I had to keep you close and the echoes of the past got louder and louder. It's not just the way you look, your personality is similar. That girl next door smile, people are drawn to you as they were drawn to her. She was a sweet girl, nice manners, well turned out, bright, charming. It's a powerful combination.”

“You make it sound contrived.”

“I don't mean to. But you have it and you use it to your advantage as did she. Ellen knew how to get what she wanted, she was just more subtle about it than I ever was. I didn't work it out until years later. How did we get to see ’Breakfast At Tiffany’s’ when we went to the movies to watch ’To Kill A Mocking Bird’ How did I end up in a shoe store when we set out for the library and don't get me started on how many times our savings disappeared on magazines and candy.”

Ellen laughed, pleased to see a lightening in Patty’s mood, to see some joy in the memories.

“It sounds like she had your number.”

“I would have done anything for that smile. She was bolder than I was too. Would you believe she led me astray?”

The blond shook her head getting lost again.

“I made her so many promises. The fancy apartment in the city, designer clothes and jewellery, the best restaurants.”

A lightbulb went off in Ellen's brain.

“Is that what it was all about? The account at Bergdorfs, the upper east side address, it was all for her?”

“Do you think I did that for every associate with barely a foot in the door? No, I told myself it was to keep you on side with Katie, but somehow it was making good on all those promises. It made me happy to do it.”

“No wonder the rest of the staff hated me.”

“They hated you because you were better than them.”

“Really? Is that true?”

“Of course it is. I told you. I never believed you were her.”

“Did you want me to be?” 

Patty looked up sharply and Ellen looked away embarrassed by her tactlessness.

“I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that. It's just surreal. I'm trying to understand.”

“And I'm trying to explain. She's been dead for more than forty years, the deeper we got into that case the more confused I became. I'm not made of stone. I loved that girl and suddenly when you smiled, she was right there in front of me. Yes, I wanted you to be her. I wanted to believe I had found her again.”

Patty grew angry and agitated, the younger woman took her hand, clasping it gently, trying to instil her with some calm.

“Sometimes, the way you looked at me I wondered.. well I wondered if you were attracted to me. As I said, some of the others in the office were jealous, there was innuendo, they alluded to the fact we were having some sort of relationship.”

“Of course I was attracted. I couldn't help myself, you've seen the photographs. If she had got to be your age you are exactly as I imagined her to be. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That day I gave you the keys to that apartment, you looked at me just the way she used to. Like I was the most amazing person in the world. I almost kissed you then, right there in your office, I was this close.” 

Patty held her thumb and forefinger a couple of inches apart.

“I remember that. I was confused too. I was so in awe of you, I grew up idolising you. You’re very... charismatic. I was completely drawn to you. It made me feel special having your attention and approval. But one minute I was getting the keys to a beautiful new place, the next I got fired. David was sick to death of hearing about you. Patty’s done this, Patty’s said that...he thought I was obsessed with you. He hated the way you came between us over Katie, he didn't like the way I was changing, the way the case was coming first. You know before he was killed we had called off the engagement? That was because I went back to work for you after I got fired. He wanted me to choose and when I couldn’t he called it off.”

“He loved you Ellen.” It was the blonds turn to offer some reassurance.

“I know. But I don't know for certain anymore if we would have made it and I blame you for that. For taking that certainty away from me.”

Patty nodded her head, she understood, she understood ambition and making hard choices and the price you paid for them. They were getting off the point, she had brought Ellen here to explain, and she was going to do that. She took a deep breath.

“When Ray killed himself, I honestly believe something snapped in my mind. It was already playing tricks on me. I was under extreme pressure and I had to get away.”

Patty felt the young woman tense beside her and she faltered before steeling herself to carry on.

“When you asked me if I regretted what we had done, the way I used Gregory Molina against Ray I panicked, I thought you were going to go the police and I told Pete. I was out of options, you could have finished me, brought down everything I'd spent my whole life building. I didn't know what to do.”

“I was appalled Patty, I was terrified. I felt like I had pulled the trigger myself. All I wanted was to talk, to hear you tell me you were sorry. I would never have betrayed you.”

Ellen's eyes had turned hostile with a hint of fear in their depths. It turned Patty’s stomach to see it. She ploughed on, determined to get to the end.

“I could never hurt you. That's what the whole story is about. Pete was always extremely protective of me, I was his life's work. He helped me in the beginning, I would never have got the firm off the ground without Pete. Over the years he had covered my tracks many times, he had questionable friends in low places that from time to time we had use for. He knew a lot of people in law enforcement, he had a lot of contacts. I should have kept a closer eye on him but he was an old man, I owed him and keeping him around gave him a purpose in life. When you came along he knew, he knew how you affected me. That was why he was so hostile towards you. When I told him what was in your mind after Ray he..” 

Patty took a deep shuddering breath and stopped to take a drink.

“He suggested that you be silenced.”

“Murdered. Patty, that man was there to kill me.”

“Murdered” Patty echoed closing her eyes.

“I told him no, I told him when I came back I would find a way to talk you round. He knew you were staying at my apartment, he knew I was going away. He took matters into his own hands. I swear to you Ellen. I had no idea.”

“Pete’s no longer here to corroborate that story.”

“Look at those photographs, look at yourself. Have you been listening at all. I loved that girl, you are the image of her. I would never harm you, I would never knowingly let anyone else harm you. I. Didn't. Know.” 

Patty ground the words out through teeth clenched in frustration. It was so important the girl understood.  
Ellen sat back and exhaled a long breath. She had heard what she needed to hear. She believed Patty, she was relieved, desperately relieved to know that the blond wasn't behind it even if her years of questionable working practices had made a solution like murder even a viable possibility. Would she have given her consent to it if she had no resemblance to her former love? Ellen decided not to ask. There was something dark and dangerous in Patty’s soul, perhaps the trauma she suffered as a young girl had put it there, perhaps it had always been there and her Ellen had snuffed it out for a while. The years chasing victories and pushing the boundaries in pursuit of those victories had fuelled that darkness until it was a tangible thing. Patty Hewes may not have had direct knowledge of what happened to her but she was capable of it. She was capable of anything.

“I'm sorry you lost your.. friend. I believe you. When you say you didn't know, I believe you now.”

Patty nodded. They had both heard what they needed to hear.  
The mournful music played on in the background, it suited the melancholic air that came off the pair of them. They were silent and lost in thought for some time. Ellen broke it when she remembered something from the aftermath of her ordeal.

“Where did you go? They tried for two days to reach you while I was in jail. Why didn't you take their calls?”

“I turned my cell off, if I'd have known what was happening I would have come back. I went to Chicago.” 

Ellen raised her eyebrows and Patty expanded her answer.

“I went to Ellen's grave. I hadn't been there since the day they put her in the ground. I went to.. I don't know what I went for, I just felt I had to go. I saw her mother, she still lives in the same house. She told me she was proud of me, that Ellen would be proud of me. I had it all, everything I planned and promised her. The job, the apartment, the money. I filled all my empty spaces up with success and yet you look like you despise me for it or worse. You feel sorry for me. Poor Patty, all she has in her life is her next case...”

Patty’s voice held that familiar mocking tone that Ellen knew preceded some sort of outburst.

“Don't. Don't bait me like that. You are what you are. Do you think you would have made it if your dreams had worked out the way you planned, if she hadn't died.”

Patty laughed bitterly, she had asked herself that question so many times.

“We’ll never know.” was the answer she settled on. 

The flame of anger that had sparked in her eyes a moment ago went out just as quickly. She felt tiredness sweep across her and the need to be alone. She had told her story, acknowledged her feelings for her childhood friend as a deep and lasting love. Ellen, both Ellen's deserved that much at least. 

“You could come back, the DA’s office is no place for your abilities, there's so much we could achieve.”

“You know that’s not possible after everything that's happened. There's no trust on either side. A couple of years with the DA’s office and maybe I could go back to corporate law but not now, and not to work for you.”

Patty tipped her head at the honesty of the answer. Ellen began to gather her things in preparation to leave.

“Why did you come to the hospital? I knew you were there, I was in and out but I knew you were there.”

“Sometimes you knew it was me, sometimes, well now I know, you thought it was your Ellen. You were pretty confused and agitated. You told me I had small breasts.”

Patty burst out laughing at the affronted look on the younger woman's face.

“Well the truth will out.”

Ellen smiled at that, a wide genuine smile that tugged hard on Patty’s heart strings and made her eyes close in the sharp pain of recognition.

“I can't explain it. I spent the last six months trying to gather enough evidence to finish you. I was close to the edge, to the madness you described after Ray killed himself. Yet when I heard you’d been stabbed all I wanted to do was be the one there to hold your hand. Maybe there is some sort of link, a connection, I don't know.”

Ellen shrugged and looked confused and helpless. Patty uncurled herself from the couch and stretched before standing up.

“Thank you for coming here tonight, for listening. For sitting at my bedside so I wasn't alone. That meant a lot to me.”

Patty walked the younger woman to the elevator.

“Will I see you around?” 

Patty inquired, trying to sound offhand and casual. The doors began to slide shut as Ellen gave her reply and the final echo of forty years worth of pain floated through the air between them.

“Sure. Look out for me Patty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. Possibly.


End file.
